Chapter 34

Cilla eased herself out from under Jon and stood at the side of the bed. He lay there amongst the tangled sheets and she wondered just how she could be the one for him. Slipping on her robe she padded to the bathroom. Sitting on the commode she dropped her face to her hands. He loved her.

She shook her head, he had said the words, meant them and she hadn't said anything. She stood and looked at herself in the mirror. How could he love her? She wasn't anything special, but he said she was. She didn't think she was pretty enough, but he said she was beautiful. She sighed, did she love him? It had been so long since she had felt anything other than a mild attraction to someone that she wasn't sure she could trust her heart.

Dipping to splash some water on her face she thought of the man sprawled on her bed again. She loved being with him, when they were apart she couldn't wait for the next time they were together; and the sex, the sex was off the charts, but was that love?

Jon lay in the bed, he had felt her slide away from him, heard her leave the room. He had told her he loved her and she said nothing. He sat up, bracing his arms on his knees, did she feel the same way? He had thought they were going in that direction. He knew she was the one for him, maybe she didn't think so, but he hadn't gotten that feeling from her. Maybe he was pushing her too fast. Hadn't she said it had been a long time for her and she may stumble around a bit? Maybe this was just tripping her up a little. He stood and pulled on his jeans, he wouldn't push her on this. He'd just have to wait her out.

In the kitchen Cilla turned on the small radio and was rummaging for something to make for dinner when she stopped. The song caught her ear and she stood in the middle of the kitchen as Jim Brickman sang to her of the Gift that love is.

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful everyday
For the Gift...

Sid was going to kill her when he found out what she had done. Jon had given her the greatest gift one person could give another and she had totally disregarded it. Tears tickled her eyes as she thought about the blue eyes she had come to adore filled with anticipation and then disappointment when she hadn't said the words back to him. She closed her eyes as she thought about the fervent love making down in her other kitchen and then the tender, gentle way he had been with her here in her own bed. How could she not love this man who thought more of her than she did of herself?

A noise behind her had her turning toward it and she found Jon standing there, shirtless and bare foot, jeans zipped but not buttoned. She lifted her head and he could see the tears that had gathered in her eyes. "What is it Sweets, what's wrong?"

She went to him, "oh Jonny." The whisper of the endearment of his name was nearly his undoing, she hadn't ever called him anything but 'Jon' before. He held her close, kissing the top of her head, feeling the warmth of her tears against his chest. "Talk to me Sweets, tell me what's got you all upset."

She stepped back from him, taking his hands in hers, "I'm not upset Jon. As a matter of fact, I feel pretty damn good actually." His eyebrows raised, "so why the tears?"

She raised his hands to her lips; pressing light kisses to each before meeting his eyes again, "I had a revelation." When he didn't say anything, she continued. "You gave me the greatest gift there is Jon and I wasn't sure until just a few minutes ago what to do with it."

He closed his eyes and waited, hoping she was going to say what he wanted to hear.

A gentle squeeze of his hands had him opening his eyes. He found himself looking right into her sparkling clear gray ones, the tears replaced with warmth and love. "I love you too Jonny. I'm sorry I didn't say it before." Pulling her to him, he wrapped her arms around his neck kissing her softly as he backed them toward the bedroom.