Chapter 89

Their hands were clasped on the seat between them. The cab was quiet, the only sounds coming from the City outside the windows as they headed back to Mercer Street. His own thoughts were so scrambled; he could only imagine what was going through her head. So much information had been thrown at them in the last two hours he wasn’t sure where to begin.

He stroked her hand with his thumb. She had been right about the chemotherapy. The doctor had laid it out for her, six cycles, twice a week for three to four weeks, four to six months of having this ‘cocktail’ dripped into her. She was supposed to start two weeks from now. At least they were giving her some time to heal from the surgery.

He studied her profile. She was staring blindly out the window. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

“What are you thinking?”

“That this is all really a dream” she answered. She turned from the window to look at him. “That I’m going to wake up any second and none of this will be happening.”

That face, the beauty of it was marred by the fear and frustration roiling through her. Her eyes, wide and distraught had him aching with the need to try to make everything better for her. Only he couldn’t. He couldn’t go through the surgery for her a week ago and he wouldn’t be able to take the chemo for her. All he could do was sit back, hold her hand and watch as she fought the fight of her life.

He pulled her across the seat and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”

Cilla turned her head and laid it on his chest. “Me too. You wanna be me for the next six months?”

He buried his nose into her hair, hair that would probably be gone by Christmas. “You know I would if I could.”

She angled her head up and pressed her lips lightly to his as she gazed into his eyes. “I know.” The car turned onto Mercer and she inhaled deeply as she sat up. “I also know I should be stronger than this. I shouldn’t be whining to you about this. I should just suck it up and play the hand I’ve been dealt. But this sucks Jonny.” She followed him out of the car when it stopped in front of the building. “It sucks big time.”

It did suck. He couldn’t deny that. “You’re right, this situation does suck. But you’re wrong if you think you’re not strong. Just because you’re angry and afraid doesn’t make you weak baby.” He took her hand and together they stepped into the elevator. “It makes you human.”

Stepping out on his floor he paused in front of his door. Looking down at her he cupped her face with his hand and kissed her gently. “I used to think my ex-wife was the strongest woman I knew” he told her, his eyes never leaving her face. “I was wrong. You’ve got her beat by a mile baby.”

She had to look away. How could he say that to her? All she had done was bitch and moan it seemed from the first day. She brought her eyes back to his and resolved to be better, to be the woman he thought she was. She rose on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He wrapped his arms around her. “Couch or bed babe?” The day was starting to wear on her, he could see it. She needed to get off her feet.

She looked around the room and than up at him. Maybe if she got him to lay down with her she could start on that resolution she had just made to herself. “Bed I think.”

He scooped her up and headed up the stairs. “I thought for sure you’d pick the couch.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “All my things are upstairs though.”

He set her on the bed. “Which of your things do you want right now or are you going to take a nap?”

She grabbed a fist full of his shirt, sliding her free hand down to cup him before slipping back up to toy with the button on his jeans. “I want this ‘thing’ and then maybe we can take that nap together.”

Gently he drew her hand up from his waist and kissed her fingertips as he knelt up on the bed. He’d like nothing better than to strip her naked and to make love with her all afternoon, but he wasn’t going to chance hurting her. “You know we can’t do this yet baby; two more weeks at least before you’re healed enough.”

As the words left his mouth the date hit him. He lowered himself next to her on the bed. She’d be starting chemo in two weeks. Who knew when she might be feeling up to this again? He closed his eyes against the thought. No. He’d wait. Opening his eyes again he found hers trained on him. He reached out and stroked her cheek, losing himself in those wide gray orbs. “We have to wait.”

Turning her head slightly she kissed the fingers that stroked over her cheek. She didn’t want to talk about her health or what the coming days would bring. She wanted to forget, just for a little while. She wanted an hour of normal again. She knew she wasn’t ready to go all the way, but there was no reason why he should have to wait. There were other things they could do. Sucking the tip of his index finger into her mouth she swirled her tongue around it and watched his eyes go blurry. “There’s no reason we can’t mess around a little” she murmured as she released his finger.

He rolled onto his back, trying to keep himself from attacking her. “I don’t want hurt you Sweets.”

She propped her head up on one hand and walked the fingers of the other down over his stomach and along the hard ridge in his jeans. “You won’t hurt me. In fact, I’d say I’m the one hurting you right now Jonny.”

His groan rumbled out of him. Just the soft, whispery way she said his name had him half ready to come in his jeans. His hips rose, pressing against her hand as she stroked him. “God baby…”

She smiled and walked her fingers up to his belt. Together they divested him of his jeans and before she could take him in her hand he stopped her. “Are you sure about this?” It didn’t seem quite fair and he would damn sure make it up to her later, but right now he hoped she was sure.

She nodded her head and traced his lower lip with her tongue. “I’m sure.” She kissed him eagerly and her hand stroked him once before sliding up, pushing at his shirt.

Pulling his mouth from hers he sat up enough to get his shirt off. Lying back down, he watched her watching him. “This doesn’t seem quite right. I’m naked and you’re not.”

She walked her fingers across his chest, teasing the already hard nipples. “It works for me.” Her mouth found his again and her hand slid down, cupping him, rolling his balls carefully before grasping his hard cock and stroking him gently.