Their hands were clasped on the seat between them. The cab was quiet, the only sounds coming from the City outside the windows as they headed back to Mercer Street. His own thoughts were so scrambled; he could only imagine what was going through her head. So much information had been thrown at them in the last two hours he wasn’t sure where to begin.
He stroked her hand with his thumb. She had been right about the chemotherapy. The doctor had laid it out for her, six cycles, twice a week for three to four weeks, four to six months of having this ‘cocktail’ dripped into her. She was supposed to start two weeks from now. At least they were giving her some time to heal from the surgery.
He studied her profile. She was staring blindly out the window. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head.
“What are you thinking?”
“That this is all really a dream” she answered. She turned from the window to look at him. “That I’m going to wake up any second and none of this will be happening.”
That face, the beauty of it was marred by the fear and frustration roiling through her. Her eyes, wide and distraught had him aching with the need to try to make everything better for her. Only he couldn’t. He couldn’t go through the surgery for her a week ago and he wouldn’t be able to take the chemo for her. All he could do was sit back, hold her hand and watch as she fought the fight of her life.
He pulled her across the seat and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”
Cilla turned her head and laid it on his chest. “Me too. You wanna be me for the next six months?”
He buried his nose into her hair, hair that would probably be gone by Christmas. “You know I would if I could.”
She angled her head up and pressed her lips lightly to his as she gazed into his eyes. “I know.” The car turned onto Mercer and she inhaled deeply as she sat up. “I also know I should be stronger than this. I shouldn’t be whining to you about this. I should just suck it up and play the hand I’ve been dealt. But this sucks Jonny.” She followed him out of the car when it stopped in front of the building. “It sucks big time.”
It did suck. He couldn’t deny that. “You’re right, this situation does suck. But you’re wrong if you think you’re not strong. Just because you’re angry and afraid doesn’t make you weak baby.” He took her hand and together they stepped into the elevator. “It makes you human.”
Stepping out on his floor he paused in front of his door. Looking down at her he cupped her face with his hand and kissed her gently. “I used to think my ex-wife was the strongest woman I knew” he told her, his eyes never leaving her face. “I was wrong. You’ve got her beat by a mile baby.”
She had to look away. How could he say that to her? All she had done was bitch and moan it seemed from the first day. She brought her eyes back to his and resolved to be better, to be the woman he thought she was. She rose on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He wrapped his arms around her. “Couch or bed babe?” The day was starting to wear on her, he could see it. She needed to get off her feet.
She looked around the room and than up at him. Maybe if she got him to lay down with her she could start on that resolution she had just made to herself. “Bed I think.”
He scooped her up and headed up the stairs. “I thought for sure you’d pick the couch.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “All my things are upstairs though.”
He set her on the bed. “Which of your things do you want right now or are you going to take a nap?”
She grabbed a fist full of his shirt, sliding her free hand down to cup him before slipping back up to toy with the button on his jeans. “I want this ‘thing’ and then maybe we can take that nap together.”
Gently he drew her hand up from his waist and kissed her fingertips as he knelt up on the bed. He’d like nothing better than to strip her naked and to make love with her all afternoon, but he wasn’t going to chance hurting her. “You know we can’t do this yet baby; two more weeks at least before you’re healed enough.”
As the words left his mouth the date hit him. He lowered himself next to her on the bed. She’d be starting chemo in two weeks. Who knew when she might be feeling up to this again? He closed his eyes against the thought. No. He’d wait. Opening his eyes again he found hers trained on him. He reached out and stroked her cheek, losing himself in those wide gray orbs. “We have to wait.”
Turning her head slightly she kissed the fingers that stroked over her cheek. She didn’t want to talk about her health or what the coming days would bring. She wanted to forget, just for a little while. She wanted an hour of normal again. She knew she wasn’t ready to go all the way, but there was no reason why he should have to wait. There were other things they could do. Sucking the tip of his index finger into her mouth she swirled her tongue around it and watched his eyes go blurry. “There’s no reason we can’t mess around a little” she murmured as she released his finger.
He rolled onto his back, trying to keep himself from attacking her. “I don’t want hurt you Sweets.”
She propped her head up on one hand and walked the fingers of the other down over his stomach and along the hard ridge in his jeans. “You won’t hurt me. In fact, I’d say I’m the one hurting you right now Jonny.”
His groan rumbled out of him. Just the soft, whispery way she said his name had him half ready to come in his jeans. His hips rose, pressing against her hand as she stroked him. “God baby…”
She smiled and walked her fingers up to his belt. Together they divested him of his jeans and before she could take him in her hand he stopped her. “Are you sure about this?” It didn’t seem quite fair and he would damn sure make it up to her later, but right now he hoped she was sure.
She nodded her head and traced his lower lip with her tongue. “I’m sure.” She kissed him eagerly and her hand stroked him once before sliding up, pushing at his shirt.
Pulling his mouth from hers he sat up enough to get his shirt off. Lying back down, he watched her watching him. “This doesn’t seem quite right. I’m naked and you’re not.”
She walked her fingers across his chest, teasing the already hard nipples. “It works for me.” Her mouth found his again and her hand slid down, cupping him, rolling his balls carefully before grasping his hard cock and stroking him gently.
Chapter 89
Chapter 88
The weights clanged to a rest as Jon grunted out the last of his reps. Groping for the towel he had dropped on the floor next to the bench he wiped his face and sat up. It had been a long week. In the ordinary course of things he was not the most patient man, but he had met his match in Cilla. She was bound and determined to do everything herself. He was just as determined to take care of her.
They were butting heads over just about everything. At least he had won the battle of the stairs. She was only supposed to go up and down once a day. She had found out on the first day home that she was told that for a reason. So she was reluctantly letting him run up and down the stairs for her during the day if she needed something.
Sighing he got up and headed out of his home gym and down the hall to his room. His hand hesitated on the door knob. Would she still be sleeping? Would she be up and dressed? Would they be able to have a conversation without it turning into an argument? “Only one way to find out” he muttered and turned the knob.
She was sitting on the bed, her hair a mess, one shoulder peeking from the pale pink robe she wore, her laptop open, her fingers clicking over the keyboard. She didn’t even look up when he walked into the room. She must be doing more research. That’s all she had been doing lately. Every time he looked at her it seemed she had her nose buried in her computer.
“Finding anything new?” He tossed the used towel in the direction of the hamper.
She shook her head, “no, not really.” Looking up she frowned. “You missed.”
He looked over and shrugged. “I’ll get it in a minute.” He went and sat next to her, pulling her hands gently from the computer. “You need to give it a rest babe. You’ve found everything there is to find. What else are you looking for?”
She rubbed her thumb along his, “I just want to be ready when we meet with Dr. Aghajanian later today. If I’m going to win this fight, I need to be prepared.” She finally looked at him, noticing the flush that hadn’t quite left his face and the sweat that drenched his shirt. “You need a shower.”
He couldn’t argue with her reasoning. “I know you want to be prepared, and if you could kill the cancer with information, you would have kicked its ass yesterday, but babe, you need to give it a rest now. Take a break and wait and see what the doctor says.”
“But I-”
He tugged her off the bed, away from the information highway she had been riding. “No, no buts. You’re supposed to be resting not blinding yourself staring at that little screen. Take a break. Come shower with me, then we’ll go down and get some breakfast.”
Unable to fight his steely determination, she followed him into the bathroom. She watched and waited as he adjusted the taps, stripped off his clothes and stepped into the steamy corner. Her hands fingered the tie on her robe. Her scar wasn’t pretty. It was still so red and new. It had only been a little more than a week and he had only seen her naked once since her surgery. He had been too upset with her to notice her scar at the time. She watched him tilt his head back and wet his hair. Would it matter to him? Would she still be as attractive to him as she had been before?
“Are you coming in?” Jon poked his head out to see what was taking her so long.
She nodded, “yeah, just a sec.” She turned, slipping out of her robe and hanging it on the back of the door. Turning back she was surprised to find him watching her. She dropped her arms across her stomach. “What?”
Stepping out of the shower, he crossed to her, heedless of the water he dripped with every step. Gently he pulled her arms from her middle letting his eyes wander over her. Wordlessly he let her hands go and cupped her face, gazing into her wide gray eyes. “You’re beautiful” he murmured as his lips captured hers in a tender kiss.
Easing back he waited for her to open her eyes. “Okay?”
She smiled tremulously and nodded. She could have cried he was being so sweet to her. Her emotions had been all over the place in the last few days. Frustrated and ready to cry one minute, smiling and happy the next. She really hoped the doctor today could help her control that. Then there was the fear of what was coming. A rollercoaster would have been a smoother ride.
Jon tugged her closer and wrapped her in a wet hug. “We’ll get through this Sweets.”
“But I’ve been such a bitch Jonny. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She rested her head against his chest. “You’re all wet.”
His chuckle got lost as he buried his nose in her hair and dragged her toward the shower. “Let’s get you that way too.”
The steam engulfed them as they stepped in and pulled the door shut. Jon stood her under the spray, letting the water beat down on her shoulders in a gentle massage. He washed her hair for her, enjoying the feel of the thick soapy strands as they slid though his fingers. Would she lose her hair to the chemotherapy she was so sure she needed? He reached for her soap; he frowned at the thought. If she had to lose something he supposed it was better her hair than the fight for her life. He’d buy her a wig, any kind that she wanted, if she wanted one.
“I’ll probably lose my hair.”
Her voice was so quiet it almost got lost in the rush of the water. Almost. His hands paused as they were gliding over her, could she read his mind? “And?”
She stilled his hands, “I’ll be bald, Jon.”
“So I’ll buy you a wig.” He wasn’t going to let her start worrying about it now. She had enough on her plate as it was.
She wrapped her arms around him and practically curled right into him. “I love you so much.”
He rested his cheek on her head and stroked her back, “I love you too, hairy or bald.” He got the laugh he was looking for.
Laughter he thought as he held her, the best medicine in the world.
Chapter 87
Cilla stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up. This was going to take a few minutes. Jon had brought her to her place to pick up her things and to talk to Sid before heading over to his place and, looking at the mountain she had to climb to get to her door, she had no doubt she would be doing nothing but lying on his couch for the rest of the day.
She had barely taken the first step and Jon was right behind her.
“Take it slow.”
“I am.” She turned and kissed his cheek. “Don’t hover.”
He stood back and let her get about halfway before starting up after her. “How’re you doing?”
She looked down at him. “I’m fine.”
By the time Jon unlocked her door and they made it to her room she was ready for a nap. She sat on the edge of her bed. “I need a minute.”
He went to the closet and pulled out her bag, “just tell me where things are and I can pack for you.”
She shook her head. She could do this. “I can pack my own bag. Just give me a minute to catch my breath.”
He sat down next to her, “you just had major surgery Sweets. You’re supposed to be resting, so sit here and rest and let me take care of this for you.”
She sat and told him where things were and what she wanted to bring. Every time she tried to get up to help he scowled at her and made her stay seated. “Can I at least get up and go to the bathroom?” she asked petulantly.
He looked up from the drawer he had just pushed shut. “Yes you can.”
When she tried to move by him he stopped her. “I’m not trying to be a pain in the ass.” Concern colored his voice. “I just don’t want you to over do.”
“How can I over do when you won’t let me do anything to begin with?” She was feeling more irritable by the minute. She wasn’t used to having someone do things for her. She wasn’t sure she liked it very much.
“I let you climb the stairs, didn’t I? I could have carried you up.”
She started to turn away and then stopped and looked back at him. “If this is how you’re going to be for the next month, you can go to the Hamptons by yourself. I’m pretty set in my ways Jon. I don’t like having people telling me what I can and can’t do.”
He set the clothes in his hand down on the dresser. Didn’t she get it? Didn’t she understand? She wasn’t superwoman. She needed to take it easy and get her strength back so she could kick this disease in the ass. He was only trying to make sure that she took care of herself. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I just want you to realize that you have limitations right now. You can’t just jump right back in to everything. The doctor said four weeks at the least until you’re fully healed. You need to remember that.”
She stalked to the bathroom. “I know what she said and I won’t over do, but you have to trust me that I know when that point comes. You can’t know how I’m feeling.” She paused, “unless you’ve suddenly developed some sort of sixth sense about me or something.”
He could see on her face and read in her eyes exactly how she was feeling. Right now she was tired and irritated. He wouldn’t press this right now; he didn't want to fight with her. “All right. I’m going to go down and see Sid. Will you be all right for a few minutes?”
She closed the bathroom door in answer. Hearing the outer door shut she glanced in the mirror and winced. No wonder he was on her to sit and rest. She looked like shit. Leaning on the sink she dropped her head forward. She’d have to apologize to him when he came back. She shouldn’t have crabbed at him like that. He was just trying to help her.
Looking around she gathered a few toiletries she would need and stared longingly at the shower. She should wait for Jon to come back. She started to walk back toward the bed and changed her mind. She wanted a shower. She hadn’t been able to wash her hair or herself properly in four days. Stripping off her clothes she headed back and turned the water on. She was sure she could manage a quick shower by herself.
Jon and Sid chatted easily as they climbed the stairs. Sid could sympathize with Jon. Cilla was not an easy patient. He could recall many a day when he would have to just about sit on her to get her to realize that while she said she was fine, she obviously wasn’t. She didn’t like to be catered to, and asking for help, she’d rather cut out her tongue with a dull, rusty knife. She was the original do it herself girl. Even a bout of pneumonia the year before hadn’t kept her down for more than a day.
Jon stared at Sid as they stood in front of her door. “So, you’re telling me I’m going to have to tie her to the couch to get her to rest and recuperate?”
Sid nodded, “she’s a stubborn one our Cil. Maybe you’ll have better luck than I ever did. You can kiss her into submission; that never worked for me.”
Jon laughed and opened the door. “I’ll have to try that.” They heard the water running. Jon shook his head, “Is that the shower?”
Sid nodded, “yep. I told you she was stubborn.”
They crossed the room and Sid sat on the couch while Jon tried the bathroom door. Finding it unlocked he stepped into the steamy room. “Sweets?”
She was sitting on the edge of the tub, her energy sapped. Once she got in the shower she’d barely been able to get her hair washed before she nearly fell. Hot tears of frustration blurred her vision and she heard Jon call out to her. “Jonny?”
He barely heard the whisper of his name over the roar of the shower. Peeking around the curtain he found her resting against the edge of the tub. “Don’t move.” He stripped off his clothes and stepped into the tub. “What did you think you were doing?” he asked, keeping his voice even and low as he found her puff and worked up a lather with her soap.
She watched his face as he ran the soap over her. “I needed a shower. I thought I could manage.” A tear fell down her cheek. She hated feeling so helpless. “I’m sorry.”
He dropped the soapy puff and crouched in front of her, wiping away her tears with his fingertips. God he hated to see her like this. “It’s okay.”
She rested her forehead against his, “I’m a terrible patient. I’m sorry I was so bitchy before.”
He kissed her lightly. Compromise he thought, find some middle ground. “I’ll try to be a little less strict if you promise not to push too hard for the next few weeks.”
“Okay” she agreed. “I’ll try.”
Smiling, Jon took her hands and stood, “think you can stand up? We need to get the soap rinsed off.”
When Jon turned to shut the water off she stroked her hands down his strong, smooth back, wrapping her arms around him from behind, her hands splayed over his stomach. Pressing a kiss to middle of his back she rested her cheek against him.
Her soft touch had his blood heating. He tried to tamp it down, but her breath, her lips against his skin felt too good. Swallowing a groan, he craned his head around, “you okay?”
She nodded her head, “here we are in the shower again and I still didn’t get to wash your back.”
Covering her hands with his he turned to face her, “when you’re healed baby.” They couldn’t get into this now. It was too soon.
Chapter 86
Dr. Shortle was just leaving Cilla's room when Jon got there. He was alone today, Richie having begged off. He didn't think he could take spending the day at the hospital, not even for Cilla. "Tell her I'm sorry man. I just can't do it again today."
Jon couldn't blame him. He couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for Richie to sit there in Cilla's room yesterday after all he had been through with his father. "It's all right man. She'll understand. And hopefully she'll be coming home soon."
Now, he had to wonder what he was going to find behind the heavy door. Did the doctor bring her good news this time, or more bad? "Only one way to find out" he muttered as he pushed the door open.
Cilla was lying on the bed, her body angled toward the wall of windows. The long spill of dark hair had been braided today leaving the smooth skin of her upper back exposed through the open back of the hospital gown. Crossing the room he leaned over her, pressing a kiss to her forehead, cheek. "Hey baby, how're you doing today?"
She turned and smiled at him. "I'm feeling pretty good today. The doctor was just here."
He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed. “I know. I passed her on my way in. What did she have to say today?”
She smiled hugely. "The MRI came back clean. The cancer hasn't spread."
More carefully than he thought he could, he pulled Cilla close. "That is the best news I've heard all week Sweets."
Laying her head on Jon’s shoulder she wrapped her arms around him. “She also said I could go home possibly tomorrow.”
He turned his head, burying his nose in her hair and kissing her head. "That's great baby. But you're not planning on staying at your apartment alone are you?"
Cilla picked her head up to look at him. "I live alone, have you forgotten that? Besides, where else would I go?"
Jon helped her settle back against her pillow. "My place."
She shook her head. She wouldn't impose on him like that, Sid either. She could take care of herself. "I'll be fine at my own place Jon. You're a busy man. You don't need me there getting in your way. Besides, don't you go to the Hamptons for the month with your kids?"
"You're not going to stay alone Sweets." He moved to sit in the chair. "I'd like you to come to the Hamptons with us. Steph has been asking to see you but I told her after you were out of the hospital."
"I can't go to the Hamptons now. I have an appointment with the doctor over at Sloan Kettering and we have to decide when to start my chemo. Dr. Shortle figured that would be in about three weeks. I need to be here in the City."
He reached over and took her hand. He wasn't going to be dissuaded. She wasn't going to get her way on this one. "I can bring you back for your treatments and we won't even leave until after your appointment. I don't want you to be alone baby." Bringing her hand to his lips, he kissed her fingers. "I can't go through the tests and treatments for you, I would if I could. Let me take care of you the only way I can right now. Please?" As much as he wished he could trade places with her, this was the best he could do.
Cilla sighed. How could she argue with him when he was so determined to do this for her? “What about my apartment and my shop? I can’t keep having Sid and his mom take care of things. Sid is one thing, but Josie, she has a life of her own. She was only going to help out for a few days. I can’t ask her to drop everything for me.” God her life had been turned upside down and inside out over one scary, nauseating six letter word. Would things ever get back to some kind of normal?
Jon ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Was everything going to be a battle with her? “Don’t you usually close up for two weeks in the summer anyway?” He waited and at her nod he continued. “Why not think of this as an extended vacation? You have more than earned one.”
As she sat mulling over what he said the orderly came in with her lunch. She looked dubiously at the tray. Nothing thus far had held any appeal for her. Lunch wasn’t looking promising. The soup might be salvageable if there was a salt packet or two on the tray, but the sandwich was a definite no. The coffee was also a no. She learned that the hard way that morning. She grimaced at the thought and opened her juice.
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
She sipped her juice, looking at him over the rim of the cup. “I’ll stay with you, but-“
He shook his head, “I knew there was going to be a ‘but’.”
Cilla smiled. “But, I need you to not baby me. I can take care of myself. And I’ll need to get with Sid and tell him what’s going on. I’ll also need stuff from my apartment.”
He nudged her soup toward her, “we’ll get everything you need. Now, you need to eat.”
She wrinkled her nose at the bowl of soup, “I’d rather have a BLT and potato salad.” She eyed him carefully, wondering if he would remember the night they spent together before he left for Europe.
He winked at her. “I just bet you would. When you’re healed, you can have anything you want.”
She laughed. “Anything?”
He smiled at her, “absolutely.”
It was good to see her in better spirits he thought as she ate. The road ahead of her was going to be long and bumpy, but for now, her smile eased his mind and loosened the band of fear around his a little and her laughter was music to his ears.
Chapter 85
Jon was still grumbling about the traffic and his ticket when they walked into Cilla’s room. Panic raced through him when he saw her bed was empty. His eyes darted around the room, relief edging out the panic when he saw her standing looking out the window.
“Hey baby.”
She didn’t turn around. It was as if he hadn’t even spoken.
Leaving Richie at the door he crossed the room and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Sweets?”
She jumped, twisted to see who was there and yelped when her staples protested. “Jesus Jon.” She pulled the buds from her ears and crossed an arm over her stomach. “God, don’t do that!”
He pulled her close, rubbing his hand up and down her back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I didn’t realize you had your iPod on.” He could feel her heart pounding against his chest. “Are you okay?”
She nodded her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath trying to calm her breathing. “Yeah. Just don’t sneak up on me like that. You could kill a person that way.”
He pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’m sorry. What are you doing out of bed?”
“Help me back into it and I’ll tell you abo--“. She stopped when she saw Richie standing in the door way. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
Jon helped her get settled back into her bed. “I brought him with me.”
She looked back at Jon, wanting to be upset with him but she couldn’t. She had done a lot of thinking about everything. She decided that Sid and Jon had been right. She couldn’t focus on what might happen, no matter how afraid she was. And make no mistake, she was terrified, but she was going to do her best to stay positive. She had to deal with the here and now and just take things one day at a time. In the days ahead she would be leaning on Jon more than she had ever leaned on anyone. And if Jon needed Richie to lean on, then who was she to deny him that?
Richie moved closer to the bed, holding out the bag he had in his hand. “I brought you a little something.”
She grasped his hand around the handles of the bag. “I don’t know how much he told you, but I do know how hard it must be for you to be here. Thank you. If it’s too much and you feel like you need to leave, I won’t hold it against you.”
He smiled and sat in the chair next to the bed. “I’m all right. Go ahead and open your present.”
Pulling out the tissue she reached in, pulling out something hard and flat. It was a picture frame. Turning it over she smiled brightly. It was a picture of her and Jon from the last night of their tour at MSG. He must have snapped it right after she had the cake together. She remembered her and Jon talking, then turning when someone had called their name. “It’s wonderful Richie, thank you.” She turned it and showed Jon. “What do you think?”
“I think my friend needs to make a copy of it for me too.”
“I’ll e-mail it to you man.” Richie made a face at Jon. “You can print it and frame it yourself.”
Cilla set the picture next to the pink box that was on the tray in front of her. “So,” she looked at Jon “how was Philadelphia? How was the parade? I didn’t get to see any of it. I wasn’t back from my MRI until just a little bit ago.”
Richie snickered. “Yeah man, tell her all about your day.”
Jon flipped him off. “Don’t pay any attention to him Sweets. My day was fine.”
“Sure it was.”
If looks could kill, Richie would have been dead with the one that Jon sent him across her bed. While it was true he had been anxious about getting back to her, feeling guilty about having to be away, she didn’t need to know that. “Seriously, the parade was great. Everything went as expected.” He wanted to hear about her, not talk about his day.
Richie tried to cover the laugh with a cough but he just couldn’t do it. “It went so well little darlin’ that he got pulled over on his way back here.”
Cilla’s eyes widened and she looked from Richie to Jon. “You got a speeding ticket?”
Jon shook his head in resignation. “You’re lucky I like you man.” He turned his attention to Cilla. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll just send it in and pay the fine. It’s no big deal.”
She folded her arms across her chest, “you shouldn’t have been speeding.”
He pouted, “but I was on my way back here to you.”
She traced his lower lip with her thumb, “and what if you had had an accident? I’m not going anywhere, not for at least two more days. You didn’t need to rush.”
He took her hand in his and kissed her fingertips. “Well, it’s too late now. What happened today? Obviously they got you up. How did the MRI go?”
She told Jon and Richie that the doctor had come that morning and took her catheter out and got her up and moving around. She had taken a short walk up and down the hall then needed to take a nap. The lunch they had brought her had been less than appealing. Sid had left earlier when they came to take her for her MRI. “And that’s about it. Oh, wait” she picked up the pink box and handed it to Richie. “Sid brought this. I think you might want what’s left in there.” It had taken her most of the afternoon, but she had managed to eat the croissant that he had brought. The sweets that were in the box held no appeal for her right now.
He grinned and his eyes danced. “A cannoli? Is there a cannoli in there?”
Jon pouted again. “What about me? Doesn’t Sid love me anymore?”
Cilla laughed. “Ow, don’t make me laugh” she held her hand over her incision. “I’m sure he still loves you baby. Don’t pout. There’s enough in there for the two of you to share.”
They were talking quietly when the doctor strolled in. “How is the patient feeling this evening?”
Richie moved from the chair to the far side of the bed so the doctor could check Cilla’s incision and her chart. “Everything looks good Cilla. Any pain?”
Cilla shook her head, “no, not right now.”
“Good.” Dr. Shortle marked something on her chart. “I heard from the lab today.” Her glance flitted from Cilla’s face to Richie then back again.
“You can talk in front of the guys Doctor. It’s fine.”
The doctor nodded and continued. “The staging results are back. You have stage two c ovarian cancer Cilla. It doesn’t appear to have spread, but until I see the MRI I won’t know for sure.”
Cilla felt Jon's hand close over hers and give a reassuring squeeze. "Okay, so what happens now?"
Chapter 84
The drive to Philadelphia was a nightmare. All Jon wanted to do was get there and get back as soon as he could. He’d hated to leave, hated that his life had to take him away when Cilla needed him. He glanced out the window; Jesus he could fucking walk faster than the cars were moving. He shook his head; he should have chartered the damn helicopter.
In the midst of blaring horns and cursing a blue streak his phone rang. “What?” he snarled into the blue tooth.
“Hey man, who pissed in your wheaties this morning?”
Jon rolled his eyes. Leave it to Rich to call while he was in the midst of a hissy fit. “I’m stuck in traffic. What do you want?”
Richie could see his friend growling at everyone who wasn’t moving fast enough to get out of the way. “Why didn’t you just take the jet or the chopper?”
Jon huffed out a breath, as if he hadn’t asked himself that question a hundred times already. “I wanted to drive. I like to drive, usually.” Driving helped clear his head and hell if he didn’t need a little time to think after the last few days. That and having to concentrate on the road, kept him from worrying about being away from Cilla right now. “Did you need something or were you just calling to bust my balls?”
Richie snickered. After 25 plus years his friend knew him so well. “When do you think your sorry ass might be darkening my doorstep?”
Jon peered out across the river of color, chrome and rubber, finally seeing the sign for his exit off the fucking Turnpike. He changed lanes and punched the accelerator. “With any luck, in about 45 minutes.” Well, luck and no cops he thought.
He took a deep breath. “I need to talk to you about something.” He decided while he was still awake in the wee hours of the morning that he needed to tell the guys what was happening with Cilla. He was going to need them as much as she needed him to get through this. He only hoped Richie could handle it without taking any steps back in his recovery.
“That sounds pretty serious Jonny. You want to give me a head start now?”
Jon shook his head, “I’ll give you the whole story when I get there.” He clicked off before Richie could say anything more. He cranked the radio, tapping the steering wheel in time to the music, taking the now familiar route to one of his favorite cities. The music and the lighter flow of traffic calmed him and by the time he crossed the Ben Franklin Bridge he was in a much better frame of mind. It seemed only scant minutes later that he was parking in the garage of Richie’s building.
At Jon’s incessant knocking Richie checked his watch before opening the door. Forty-five minutes, exactly. How the hell does he do that? “You know I hate it when you do that.”
Jon brushed past him and into the entryway. “Why do you think I do it?”
Richie rolled his eyes. “Come on in why don’t you.”
Jon set his bag down and tucked his keys in his pocket as he wandered through to the living room. The sun shone through the wide windows and Jon stood staring out at the city below. Running his fingers into his hair he blew out a breath and turned around.
Richie was standing there watching him. “What is it man? Spit it out.”
“It’s Cilla.”
“What about her, is she okay?”
Jon shook his head. “No man, she is not okay. She had surgery yesterday. She’s in the hospital.” He sucked in a breath. “She’s got cancer man.”
Richie’s face fell. He hadn’t expected that to come out of Jon’s mouth. “I’m sorry man. What kind? How is she doing?” He knew first hand what a diagnosis like that could do to someone.
Jon crossed the room and sat in an oversized chair. “Ovarian cancer. She had a hysterectomy yesterday and seemed to be all right when I left last night.” He looked up at Richie, “how did you do this man? The waiting yesterday damn near killed me.”
Richie sat on the sofa opposite Jon, “there are no instructions for this Jonny. You just need to be there for her. If and when she starts chemo, don’t baby her, don’t try to do things for her. Keep things as normal as possible.”
Jon huffed out a breath. “I don’t know about chemo yet. The doctors were waiting to see what stage it was in. She has to have an MRI today.” He looked past Richie and out the windows. “I just wish like hell I could be there instead of here.”
Richie knew exactly how Jon was feeling. “I know man, but you’ll get through it. You always do and then you can get back. I’ll go with you if you want me to. Where is she, Sloan Kettering?”
Jon shook his head. “No, Lenox Hill, but they’re going to move her over there.” He met Richie’s eye, “thanks.”
~
Sitting on the stage waiting for the festivities to start was agony. All he could think about was Cilla, wondering if she had had her MRI, if the doctor had gotten the results from the lab, wondering if she was alone or is Sid was with her. He hoped that was the case. He didn’t want her to be alone. Crossing his arms over his chest he tried not to think too much about her and concentrate on the task at hand. He pasted a smile on his face and let the press take their pictures. Christ, could they start already?
The roster was read; as each player was named he shook their hand and had to smile for a picture. Then he had to speak to the crowd that had gathered. He should be ecstatic; this is what they had worked so hard for. He just couldn’t find the enthusiasm. He forced a smile and rattled off the words he had written, but he just couldn’t summon the excitement.
After the last flash went off he disappeared. Enough was enough already. He made it back to Richie’s in record time. “Come on man.” He called Richie from the car. “Let’s go.”
Luck just was not on his side today. He got back across the bridge and was flying down 73 and got pulled over. Then, they got stuck on the Turnpike, again. Fuck! He pounded his fists on the steering wheel. “Why, today of all days, did I decide to fucking drive?”
Richie tried not to laugh. Patience was not one of Jon’s better attributes. “Calm down man. She’s not going anywhere, right? We’ll get there soon enough and you turning the air blue in here isn’t helping any.”
Jon cranked up the volume on the radio. He hated it when Richie was right.
Chapter 83
Her head was muzzy. Her eyes were heavy and her mouth dry as dust. Whatever the nurse had pumped into her had eased her pain and dulled her senses. Hearing voices Cilla forced her eyes open. It was the low drone of the television. She looked over and Jon was asleep in the chair, his fingers laced together, resting on his stomach. He’s still here. She had honestly thought he would leave once she had fallen asleep.
The relief she felt nearly overwhelmed her. She needed him to still be there. She hadn’t realized just how much until now. Why had she thought not to tell him? She didn’t want to be alone, now here, not now, not yet. Her emotions got the better of her and the tears that had gathered in her eyes at finding him still there trailed down her cheeks.
Reaching over she stroked his shoulder, tracing the bit of the faded shield that was peeking out of the sleeve of his shirt. "I'm sorry" she whispered as her fingertips caressed his skin.
His hand closed over her fingers, startling her. “I thought you were asleep.”
Jon blinked his eyes open, “just dozed for a minute. You okay?”
She sniffed and nodded, “yeah.”
He stretched and looked at her, “why are you crying, are you in pain? What's wrong, why did you say you were sorry?”
She wiped her eyes. Shit. He heard her. Cilla frowned and gestured to herself and the bed, “I’m sorry for putting you through all this.” She looked up, watery gray met concerned blue, “for getting cancer and not wanting to tell you about any of it.”
His eyes widened and as her words sank in he pulled his hand from hers and rose from the chair.
She watched as he paced. His face was set, his jaw tight. He was pissed.
Jon turned on her, “you weren’t going to tell me?”
She shook her head.
“You were just going to have this operation and go through God knows what kind of tests and treatments alone?” His voice was deceptively calm, quiet.
She just nodded her head. “You forget I'm a fan. I saw what happened to Richie when his father got sick and then died. I didn't want that to happen to you. I didn’t want you to have to go through what he did. I wanted to save you from the pain that I know is just down the road. I thought if I didn’t tell you, if I could let you go, it would be easier.”
Jon stalked back and forth across the room, “Easier for who?” He turned to face her, “do you think that little of me? Do you really think I wouldn’t have wanted to know? That I would walk away from you when you need me?” He stopped and stared out the window at the darkness. It hurt to think that she could feel that way about him. He heard her sniffle and blow her nose.
“No. I don’t think that. I only wanted to protect you from the pain, from the hurt that you’ll be faced with.” She drew in a shaky breath. She had to give him the out. “Our relationship is still so new. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen. If you want to walk out that door now, I’ll understand. But” she paused “I can’t do this alone.” She looked up, her gray eyes wide and wet. “I need you Jonny. I don’t want to lose you.”
Sitting down on the edge of the bed he took her hand. His anger ebbed, "its not your fault you got cancer Sweets. You can't think like that." He kissed her fingers, "and while I appreciate you trying to protect me, my heart, you have to stop worrying about me and concentrate on yourself. I can handle anything that comes at me and I promise you right here, right now, I'm not going anywhere. I won't let myself fall into the drink to get me through either." He pressed her chin up with his thumb. "But Sweets, you've got to talk to me, tell me what's bothering you instead of trying to make decisions for me, no matter how well intentioned."
"I'm sorry. It's just been so much to deal with. I'm still not sure which way is up yet." The stress and emotional upheaval of the last few days combined with the surgery she had endured had her ready to go back to sleep without the aid of any medication.
He nodded. "I can only imagine. Can you sit up a little?" He wanted to hold onto her for just a minute, reassure her that she could count on him.
She struggled but managed to do what he asked. "Now what?"
He opened his arms and pulled her close, stroking the water soft skin of her back, tracing her spine, her tattoo through the open back of the ugly hospital gown. "I need you too baby. I'm going to help you and be here for you as much as I can. Okay?"
She clung to him. She loved him so enormously, how could she have almost screwed this up? "Okay. But Jonny, just one more thing."
He pulled back, keeping his arms around her, not willing to let go just yet. "What's that?"
"Will you go home and eat and get some sleep? I know you have to go to Philadelphia tomorrow. You don't want to have bags and circles under your eyes for your team's big moment do you?"
He gave her a quiet smile and brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "You're doing it again. But you're right. And sunglasses can only cover so much." He studied her face, the wide gray eyes tugging at him. "You know, the minute I saw you, when I opened my door and let you into my apartment to deliver that cake, I knew I was in trouble." He laid his lips gently on hers. “I love you and I’ll be back tomorrow after the parade.”
She rested her head on his shoulder for just a moment, drawing on his strength, listening to his heart beat. “Okay. Maybe I’ll be able to watch on the TV.”
“You do that.” He helped her settle back against the pillows. “Do you need anything before I go?”
She shook her head. “I’m going to sip my water and go back to sleep.”
He kissed her once more. “Sweet dreams baby.”
Chapter 82
Cilla opened her eyes. The daylight had shifted, the room was darker now. What time was it? How long had she been asleep? She moved her legs and moaned quietly as she tried to find a more comfortable position. Sid was out of the chair like a shot. "Here sweetie, let me help you." He got her situated and sat back down, studying the face he knew nearly as well as his own. "You okay, in any pain?"
She nodded, "a little, but its not too bad right now."
"You sure? I can get the nurse to give you something."
She shook her head, "no, I'm all right.” She looked around, “where's Jon?" Her voice wavered. He had said he'd be there when she woke up. "Did he leave?" Maybe he had decided he didn't want to be here with her after all.
Sid patted her hand. "Relax. He had to take a leak and make a phone call."
She closed her eyes again. “Oh.” Relief washed through her. “How long have I been asleep?”
“A couple of hours. I thought you weren’t going to tell him.” He had been truly surprised to find Jon at the hospital already when he had arrived.
She opened her eyes and looked over to the door and then at him. “I wasn’t.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What changed your mind?”
“I saw him.” She explained about Jon stopping Friday morning and of their conversation in her kitchen. “He caught me before I had time to figure out how not to tell him.” She sighed. “He could tell just by looking at me that something was wrong. I guess I need to work on my poker face.”
Sid opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Jon and Dr. Shortle walked in.
Jon walked over and pressed a kiss to Cilla’s temple. “How are you feeling?”
She tried to smile, “a bit like I’ve had my insides ripped out. You?”
Jon dropped his forehead to hers, “that wasn’t funny. Are you in any pain?”
When Cilla didn’t answer, the doctor stepped up, “are you in any pain?”
Jon moved to the far side of the bed and Cilla looked at the doctor. “Some; but it’s okay right now.”
She lifted the blankets and checked Cilla’s incision. The dressing needed to be changed. “I’ll have a nurse come in and change the dressing and bring you something for the pain. Do you think you’d like to try to eat something? I can have them bring you some clear broth, some jello.”
Cilla shook her head. She wanted to know what was going on with her. She didn’t care about eating right now. “Maybe just something to drink. And could you tell me what’s going on. What happens now?”
Dr. Shortle looked at the two men on the other side of the bed and then at Cilla. “We had to do the hysterectomy.”
Cilla felt Jon’s hand close over hers. “I know.” As much as she hadn’t wanted to tell him about any of this, she was glad he was here.
She continued, “right now we’re waiting on the lab for the staging results. Once we know what stage your cancer is at we can determine the best treatment. I’m going to schedule an MRI for tomorrow. I want to make sure this hasn’t spread. I also think transferring you to Sloan Kettering might be a good idea. They are better equipped to handle the treatment you’ll need.”
Cilla nodded, “okay, if you think that’s best.”
Dr. Shortle made a note on her chart, “I do. You can get the best care over there. Dr. Carol Aghajanian is the chief of gynecological and medical oncology over there. She will take good care of you.”
The doctor left and a nurse showed up. She changed Cilla’s bandages, checked her temperature and blood pressure. Marking the chart she gathered her things. “I’ll be right back with your pain medicine.”
“Okay.”
The nurse left and Cilla turned to Sid and Jon. “You don’t have to stay with me. You guys can go home.” They had been there all day. She knew they had to be as tired as she was. Waiting wasn’t easy on any one. Besides, she had a lot to think about, decisions that needed to be made.
Jon shook his head. He wasn’t about to leave her alone to brood over all that the doctor had told her. “I’m not going anywhere Sweets. You’re stuck with me tonight.”
She turned her hand, lacing their fingers together. "You don't have to do that. I'm just going to sleep Jonny. You should just go home."
He wasn't going to be swayed. He had talked to Dorothea just so she wasn't taken by surprise if there should be some mention of him being at the hospital. He had tried to clear his calendar, but the parade in Philadelphia was tomorrow and he couldn’t miss that, but otherwise, he was hers. "So sleep." He picked up the remote for the television. "There's probably a ball game I can watch." He settled further in the chair, smiling when he found the release for the foot rest. "You rest all you need to Sweets. I'll just be right here."
She looked over at Sid for some help. She got none. Sid stood, "since you're all set here, I'm going to go. Mark and I will be back to see you tomorrow." He leaned over Cilla and kissed her cheek. "Be nice. He loves you and he's worried" he whispered before straightening. He looked across the bed at Jon. "Call me if you need anything."
Jon nodded and stood, "I'm sure we'll be fine." He held out his hand, "thanks man." Sid shook his hand and quietly left the room.
He settled himself back in the chair, reached for her hand again and put his feet up. “This isn’t half bad Sweets.”
She just shook her head. “Really you could just go home and stretch out on that huge couch of yours. Its got to be much more comfortable than that chair.” She really wanted to be alone to think about what was coming next. She knew from her mother and grandmother what the treatment would include. Chemotherapy and/or radiation. She wasn’t a fan of either option, but as far as she knew, there was no other treatment for cancer.
Sighing, she looked over at Jon. What would this do to them? Her dad had stood by her mom throughout her fight but that was different. They had been married forever when her mom was diagnosed. But her and Jon, their relationship was still so young. Would it bring them closer together or would it rip them apart? Maybe she shouldn’t have told him. Why didn’t she follow her first instinct and keep this to herself?
Jon shifted in the chair and looked over at her. “What is it baby? Are you okay?” There was something in the look on her face. Tears dotted her lashes and she was biting her lower lip.
“Where is the nurse? She was going to bring me something.” She wasn’t ready to tell Jon her fears yet.
As if she had spoken her into existence, the nurse appeared, syringe in hand. With a push of the plunger into her IV line, Cilla drifted off into a drug induced sleep.
Chapter 81
What is the procedure she’s having? What happens after that? What is the prognosis? The big one, the one that was bothering him most he would have to ask her. Why did she wait so long to get checked out?
Chapter 80
Slowing to a walk, Jon paused in front of Cilla’s shop. He had gone out for a run and, unconsciously, his route had brought him here. There were no lights on, the gate was down and locked. He couldn’t help the smile. He was going to see her in just a few hours. Somehow he had managed to convince her to accompany him, Steph and Jesse to New Orleans. Slipping his hand in his pocket he fingered the key he had absently grabbed along with his phone. He glanced at his watch. It wasn’t too early, she’d be up.
Following his heart around the corner he jogged up the now-familiar steps. Pausing, he shrugged and slipped the key into the lock. The smile on his face turned to a smirk when his own voice greeted him. He kept forgetting she was a fan.
Happiness, it's been no friend to me
But forever after ain't what it's all cracked up to be
Yeah, I had a taste, you were my fantasy
But I lost my faith when I hit reality
I don't need no guru to tell me what to do
When your feeling like a headline on
Yesterday's news
He crossed to her bedroom. She was still wrapped in her robe, her hair bundled up on her head. He sang out the chorus from the doorway.
Come on, come on, come on
Give me something for the pain
Give me something for the blues
Give me something for the pain when
I feel I've been danglin' from a hang-man's noose
Give me something I can use
To get me through the night
Make me feel all right,
Something like you
Cilla jumped and spun around. No! she nearly screamed. You can’t be here. I’m not ready yet. Unable to meet his eyes, she crossed the room and turned the sound down on the stereo. “Jonny." She fought to keep her voice steady. "You nearly gave me a heart attack. What are you doing here?”
His smile dimmed. This wasn't exactly the greeting he had been hoping for. "I was out for a run and ended up here." She looked flustered, out of sorts. "Are you okay Sweets?"
She nodded, "yes, I'm fine." Her eyes flitted around the room, landing on her night table. The papers from the doctor were still sitting there. "Do you want some coffee, some breakfast?" She needed to get him out of her room.
He caught her wrist as she tried to move past him. She wouldn’t look at him. Something was definitely wrong. “Tell me what’s got you all worked up baby.”
She looked up, finally meeting his eyes, “nothing, really. You just caught me by surprise is all. I’m fine.”
He wasn’t sure he believed her. Her eyes were steely and stormy, the shadows beneath were nearly the same color. He wanted to force her to talk but he knew that wouldn’t get him anywhere. He cupped her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She’d tell him if there was something really wrong, wouldn’t she? “You’re sure?”
She nodded. “I’m sure.” The lie left a vile taste in her mouth.
He pressed his lips to hers. “I missed you last week.”
She pulled back, “I missed you too.” She tugged him toward the door, “why don’t you wash up and then tell me about your trip over a cup of coffee?”
While he was in the bathroom Cilla hurried back to the bedroom, shoving the stack of papers in her bag before heading back to the kitchen. Standing at the sink as the coffee dripped into the pot, she dropped her head forward and closed her eyes. She couldn’t do this. He already knew something was bothering her. There was no way she could sit here with him and make small talk with this, this thing hanging over her head.
Lifting her head, she heaved out a breath. She had to tell him. She shook her head in resignation. Did Sid always have to be right?
Jon watched her. Her face was reflected in the window and he could see the inner battle she was waging with herself. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked quietly.
Startled, she shook her head and moved from the sink. “Coffee’s ready.” She got out cups and busied herself pouring coffee and arranging cinnamon rolls on a plate. Sitting down across from him at her little table in her tiny kitchen she pasted on a smile. “Tell me about Greece.”
Jon picked up his cup. Why wouldn’t she talk to him? Taking a sip he studied her across the table. Maybe if he told her what she wanted to know, she would return the favor. So, he talked. He told her about the pristine beaches. He spoke of the yacht they had spent the better part of the week on. He smiled when he talked about the kids. While he talked he watched her, looking for some sign that she was ready to tell him what was bothering her.
"So" he finished up, "that was my week." He picked at a cinnamon roll. "How was yours? What did you do?" There. He gave her the opening. Hopefully she would take it.
Cilla turned the mug in her hands. He was tan, he was rested. He'd just come back from a wonderful vacation and they were supposed to leave in a few hours for New Orleans. How could she give him this news now? She stood and put her empty cup in the sink.
Jon watched her. "Did something happen with you and Sid?" He was at an utter loss as to what could possibly have her acting like this.
She kept her back to him and shook her head. "No. Sid is fine. We're fine."
Jon stood and moved up behind her, resting his hands lightly on her shoulders. He was beginning to wonder if she was going to end things with him. He didn't think he could handle that. "Talk to me Cil. Whatever it is we'll deal with it together."
Reaching up she covered his hand with hers, drawing on his strength to help her. "I went to the doctor the other day. She found a mass behind my pelvis and smaller ones on my ovaries. I need to have surgery this week. She thinks" she paused and squeezed his hand. "She thinks it could be cancer."
Jon turned her around and held her close. No! his brain screamed. This couldn't be. No wonder she was so out of sorts. She had been alone when she had gotten this news. And where had he been? On the beach working on his tan. Fuck! She had to be terrified. He should have been here with her.
She started to tremble and he held on tighter. Wrapping her arms around him she pressed her face to his chest. "I'm scared Jonny. I'm so scared."
He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I know baby. I know." He mentally ran through his upcoming schedule. "When is your surgery?" He would move heaven and earth if he had to, but he would be there with her.
Chapter 79
Sid sailed into the kitchen and sang out his normal “good morning Cil.” He got a barely mumbled “hello” in return. Cilla didn’t even turn around. His eyes roamed the room. The pans were cleaned and stacked, the ovens were cooling, Cilla had her back to him while she pecked away at the computer.
Something wasn’t right. He poked his head out the door and checked the cases. They were full. He looked back over at her. She had to have been here longer than usual to have everything loaded up, washed and put away already. She was brooding about something.
Sid grabbed his apron. “Rough night?”
She shrugged her shoulders.
He moved to look over her shoulder at what she was doing and she dropped the top of the laptop down. Turning her head slightly she talked at him over her shoulder. “Can I help you?”
Sid put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. She was pale, her eyes were red and the shadows under them were deeper than he ever remembered seeing before. “Oh honey,” concern colored his voice, “what is it? What happened? Did you and Jon have a fight or something?”
She shook her head. “No.”
Sid kept watching her, waiting. She would tell him. Eventually.
She pulled away from him, turning to busy herself with a ball of dough she had mixed up earlier. “Can Josie help us out for a few days next week?” Josie was Sid’s mother.
“I can ask, why?” He knew she was going to New Orleans, but thought it was only for the weekend. “Are you staying in New Orleans longer than you thought?”
She shook her head. “No.” I wish.
He turned her to face him again. “What is going on Cilla?”
“I need” emotion flooded her voice and she took a breath to calm herself down. She tried again. “I need to have a procedure done and, depending on how it goes, I may need a couple days to recuperate.”
“Procedure? What kind of procedure? Talk to me Cil. You’re scaring me here.” He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but all of a sudden he didn’t feel good about it at all.
Cilla sighed and sat down heavily on the stool. “When I went to the doctor yesterday she found a mass behind my pelvis and several smaller ones on my ovaries. She wants to biopsy them and find out exactly what is going on. I need to have a laparotomy. She wants to do it as soon as possible.”
He moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. “Mom will come, don’t worry about that. Did you tell Jon? What did he say? Is he going to be there with you or do you need me to come?”
Turning her head she kissed his bicep and gave his arm a squeeze with her hand. He was always there when she needed him. She didn’t even have to ask. “Just let your mom know that we need her help.” She ignored the rest of what he asked and tipped her head up to look at him, “okay?”
He gave a resigned sigh. She could be the most stubborn woman. “Okay, but you’re going to tell Jon, right?”
By way of answer she glanced at the clock. “Let’s just open up right now, all right?”
Sid tried throughout the day to get her to convince her to tell Jon, but she wouldn't give him a straight answer. By the end of the day he was ready to strangle her. "You need to tell him."
Cilla locked the front door. "No, I don't."
He followed her around to the stairs leading up to her apartment. "If you love him you need to tell him."
She whirled around, "No Sid, I don't need to tell him. I do love him and that's why I won't tell him. I won't let him watch me die!"
Sid pushed her to sit on the steps. "You're not going to die. Don't even talk like that. You can't die. What would I do without you? And who would make my wedding cake?" He didn’t even want to entertain the thought of her dying.
Cilla chuckled for the first time since going to the doctor the day before. Leave it to Sid to lighten her mood. Even if it was only for a moment. "But what if I do Sid? What if I have this horrible disease growing and eating away at my insides? I can't ask him to deal with that. You remember what it was like with my grandmother and my mother. I can't bear the thought of Jon going through that." She sighed, tears slid down her cheeks. "I just can't tell him."
Sid wrapped his arm around her. "I don't think you're giving Jon enough credit. The man is so crazy in love with you Cil. He'd want to know. He'd want to be there for you." He paused, “if you don't tell him I will."
She threw his arm off her shoulder and stood facing him. "You will not! It's not for you to tell Sid. I swear I will make you a pineapple upside down cake for your wedding before disowning you if you breathe even one word of this to him."
He grabbed her flailing hands, "listen to me Cil. He's the best man you could have ever asked for. I'll risk our friendship if I have to. Don't make me do that. I love you and would hate to lose you but he makes you happy. Happier than you have ever been. You'll need that good energy to fight whatever is going on in your body. Don't let it go. Don't let him go."
When she didn’t say anything more Sid kissed her on the cheek and headed for home.
Cilla sat on her steps for a long while after he left. She would never disown Sid. She couldn’t. She’d be pissed at him for a good long while though but … she sighed. Was he right, should she tell Jon?
She dragged herself up the stairs. How do you tell the person you love most in the world that you may very well have a disease that will slowly kill you? Even someone as strong as Jon would surely fall apart. She didn’t want to cause him that kind of pain.
She thought about what Sid had said while she tossed things in her bag. She would need all the positive energy and laughter to help her get through this. Maybe she should tell Jon. Maybe she would.
She sat down on the edge of the bed. The stack of papers from the doctor sat staring at her from the night table. No, she wouldn’t tell him. Not yet. She’d have the laparotomy next week and see where things stood after that. Then maybe she would have the words to tell him.
Looking at her half-packed bag she sighed. She just hoped she could get through the weekend.
