Chapter 81

Listening to the shower run, Jon dropped down onto the sofa. His mind was reeling. Laying his head back he closed his eyes, trying to absorb everything Cilla had told him. Letting the words roll around in his head questions started to form. 

What is the procedure she’s having? What happens after that? What is the prognosis? The big one, the one that was bothering him most he would have to ask her. Why did she wait so long to get checked out?

He needed to know more, learn more so he could help her through this. If what Richie had gone through with his dad had taught him anything, it was the more you know, the more you can do.

Opening his eyes he spied her computer on the coffee table. Answers. He needed answers and the best place to start was right there in front of him.

“Pink looks good on you.”

Jon’s fingers slowed and he blinked to clear his eyes. He had been staring at the small screen reading every bit of information he could find. He had never crammed for an exam during school the way he had in the last half hour. “I was just getting some information.” He looked up at her. She had dressed in white cropped pants and a pretty blue button down, but her face was drawn and her eyes were sad. He held out a hand to her, “come here.”

Sitting down next to him she rested her head on his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“I wanted to know more so I looked it up.” He turned the laptop so she could see what he had been reading. “It might not be cancer Sweets. You can’t just focus on that. It could be anything.”

She shook her head sadly. “You didn’t hear my phone did you?”

“No, why?” What news did she get now?

“My doctor called with the results of the blood work I had done. She mentioned something about my CA markers and elevated levels. She’s more certain now that it is cancer.” She rested her head against Jon’s shoulder again. She couldn’t even cry anymore. “Maybe” she hesitated, knowing full well Jon’s reaction to what she was about to say. “Maybe I shouldn’t go with you this weekend. I don’t think I’d be very good company.”

Jon set the computer back on the table and took her in his arms. “I want you there with me baby and maybe going away will help you take your mind off of this for a bit.” He didn’t want her to sit here all alone dwelling on the what ifs and the what might be’s.

She leaned into him, soaking up his warmth, his strength. “This is a big weekend for you Jonny; I don’t want to be the one who puts a damper on that for you.”

“You won’t.” He leaned back so he could see her face, “I want you there with me. Don’t start pulling back on me now Sweets. I’m not going anywhere. I know you’ve got a hell of a fight ahead of you and I’m going to be there every step of the way.” He searched her face, her eyes. “You are going to fight this, right?”

She didn’t know what to tell him. She hadn’t thought that far ahead but, there, in the determined blue of his eyes, there was a passion and a fire for her that she hadn’t taken the time to see before. She didn’t want it to go out, didn’t want him to lose that. She nodded her head, “with all that I have Jonny. With all that I have.”

~

Jon leaned forward; the plastic chair creaked under his weight. Sid was on the blue pleather couch, his legs splayed out before him, his head resting against the wall. How much longer? He glanced at his watch. Another hour at least. He stood and moved to the window. The weekend had gone too quickly. He leaned against the window frame, resting his forehead on his arm as he watched the traffic below.

He had wanted her to have a good time. He had tried to keep her spirits up, tried to keep her from thinking too much about today, and she had tried to enjoy herself, she really had. She had taken Jesse and Steph shopping in the French Quarter, met his family, laughed at Richie's stupid jokes. She had even handled his mother. But he could tell her heart wasn't really in it.

She had gone through the motions, kept a smile on her face, cheered for his team, congratulated them when they won. All for him. If he hadn't owned the team, if he hadn't had to be there, they could have stayed home. But he was the owner and he'd had to be there. So she put up a good front and stuck by his side even though he knew she would have rather been anywhere else.

He sighed and turned from the window. Sid hadn't moved. He glanced up at the clock. Could time be moving any slower? He paced, willing the hands on the clock to move, willing a nurse to come in telling them she was all right, that they hadn't found anything worse than a couple of benign cysts. He didn't want to think about what she would have to go through if this was cancer like she thought it was. The blue plastic chair groaned as he dropped back into it. Sid opened his eyes.

"You okay?"

Jon nodded, "yeah. I just wish they'd come and tell us something."

Sid sat up, "they will when they can."

Jon stared at him. How could he be so relaxed? He stood again. "I'm going to go have a smoke. You want coffee?"

Sid nodded, "yeah, thanks."

The oppressive August heat engulfed him when he stepped outside. Sucking on the cigarette did nothing to calm him down. He pulled out his phone. Maybe he should call Richie. Maybe he would have some advice on how to deal with the waiting. He tucked his phone away again. He couldn’t do that. Richie was just getting back on his feet. He didn’t want to derail him now. But shit, he was scared.

Jon hadn't admitted his fears to her. He didn't want to put that on her while she was dealing with everything else. But he was afraid. Afraid she was right, that she did indeed have cancer. He crushed out the butt and looked up at the clouds.  Why? He wanted to yell, to rail at someone for what was happening to her. It wasn't fair.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. He couldn't lose her too damn it. Dorothea had walked away from him, she hadn't wanted him anymore. Now, Cilla might be taken from him by something neither he nor she could control. He kicked the metal can that served as the ash tray. Why was this happening to her? Hadn't she been through enough in her life already?

He walked back into waiting room; the coffee he brought held little appeal. He handed Sid a cup and settled back in his chair. "Any news yet?"

Sid studied Jon. He was agitated enough for the both of them. "No, nothing yet."

Jon ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "What is taking them so long?"

Sid leaned forward, "Getting all worked up isn't going to bring us news any faster. You need to chill."

Jon leaned back and blew out a breath. "I know man. But waiting is not my strong suit."

Sid chuckled. "I see that."

The door opened, "Mr. Bongiovi, Mr. Rogers?" The nurse's face held no readable expression.

Jon stood, "how is she? Why is it taking so long?"

Sid joined him. "Can we see her?"

The nurse put her hand up, "wait. I'm just here to tell you it will be a while longer yet. She's doing fine. The doctor will be by when they're done." She turned and left the two men alone.

Jon threw his empty coffee cup in the direction of the garbage. "Fuck."

Sid sent his cup after Jon's. "What are they doing to her in there?"

Jon looked at Sid, coffee burning like acid in his stomach. He knew what was going on. They had found something and they were doing a more extensive surgery. Cilla had told him that if the masses were cancerous as the doctor thought, they would do a hysterectomy. That had to be what happened, why it was taking so much longer than expected.

An hour passed, then another before the doctor came. "Gentlemen."

Jon and Sid jumped to their feet. "How is she?"

"She came through the surgery fine. She's being brought to her room and you can go see her in a few minutes."

Relief was clear on the men's faces until the doctor spoke again. Cilla had told the doctor and nurses beforehand that Sid and Jon were to be told everything. She didn't care about the HIPA laws. These two men were her family and they needed to know. "We had to do the hysterectomy. The masses we found were indeed cancerous."

Jon's shoulders slumped. "Can we see her now?"

The doctor took them to Cilla's room. "She's still sleeping. The anesthesia hasn't completely worn off yet."

The doctor quietly left as the men approached the bed. Sid kissed her forehead and held her hand. Jon stood at the foot, waiting. He wanted to be alone with her.

Sid let her hand go and turned to Jon. "I'm going to go call Mark and my mom. I'll be back."

Jon stopped him before he could take more than a step. "Thanks man."

Sid nodded. "I love her too." The door closed behind him before Jon could say any more.

He moved to the side of the bed, taking up her hand. She looked so small lying there. He brushed her hair back as he sat down. "Hey baby" he said quietly. "Surgery's over." Her eyelids fluttered. He picked up her hand and brought it to his lips. "I love you."

She opened her eyes. "Jonny?" she croaked.

He leaned over so she could see him. "I'm right here baby."

She squeezed his hand. "What" she licked her lips, "what did they find?"

He looked over to the door, where the fuck was the doctor? He didn't want to be the one to confirm her worst fear.

Cilla knew it was bad. "Cancer, right?"

He nodded his head. "Yea. They had to do the hysterectomy."

She closed her eyes and turned her head away from him. She had known, somewhere, in some deep corner of her heart she had known that's that they would find. She had hoped for something, anything else, but now she had to try to accept what she had known all along. "They took everything?"

"Yes. I'm sorry Sweets."

He watched her, trying to gauge her reaction, but she wouldn't look at him. "Come on baby, look at me, talk to me. Please?"

She shook her head, "I'm tired Jon. I just want to sleep now."

He sighed and squeezed the hand he still held. "All right rest now. I'll be here when you wake up."