Chapter 79

Sid sailed into the kitchen and sang out his normal “good morning Cil.” He got a barely mumbled “hello” in return. Cilla didn’t even turn around. His eyes roamed the room. The pans were cleaned and stacked, the ovens were cooling, Cilla had her back to him while she pecked away at the computer.

Something wasn’t right. He poked his head out the door and checked the cases. They were full. He looked back over at her. She had to have been here longer than usual to have everything loaded up, washed and put away already. She was brooding about something.

Sid grabbed his apron. “Rough night?”

She shrugged her shoulders.

He moved to look over her shoulder at what she was doing and she dropped the top of the laptop down. Turning her head slightly she talked at him over her shoulder. “Can I help you?”

Sid put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. She was pale, her eyes were red and the shadows under them were deeper than he ever remembered seeing before. “Oh honey,” concern colored his voice, “what is it? What happened? Did you and Jon have a fight or something?”

She shook her head. “No.”

Sid kept watching her, waiting. She would tell him. Eventually.

She pulled away from him, turning to busy herself with a ball of dough she had mixed up earlier. “Can Josie help us out for a few days next week?” Josie was Sid’s mother.

“I can ask, why?” He knew she was going to New Orleans, but thought it was only for the weekend. “Are you staying in New Orleans longer than you thought?”

She shook her head. “No.” I wish.

He turned her to face him again. “What is going on Cilla?”

“I need” emotion flooded her voice and she took a breath to calm herself down. She tried again. “I need to have a procedure done and, depending on how it goes, I may need a couple days to recuperate.”

“Procedure? What kind of procedure? Talk to me Cil. You’re scaring me here.” He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but all of a sudden he didn’t feel good about it at all.

Cilla sighed and sat down heavily on the stool. “When I went to the doctor yesterday she found a mass behind my pelvis and several smaller ones on my ovaries. She wants to biopsy them and find out exactly what is going on. I need to have a laparotomy. She wants to do it as soon as possible.”

He moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. “Mom will come, don’t worry about that. Did you tell Jon? What did he say? Is he going to be there with you or do you need me to come?”

Turning her head she kissed his bicep and gave his arm a squeeze with her hand. He was always there when she needed him. She didn’t even have to ask. “Just let your mom know that we need her help.” She ignored the rest of what he asked and tipped her head up to look at him, “okay?”

He gave a resigned sigh. She could be the most stubborn woman. “Okay, but you’re going to tell Jon, right?”

By way of answer she glanced at the clock. “Let’s just open up right now, all right?”

Sid tried throughout the day to get her to convince her to tell Jon, but she wouldn't give him a straight answer. By the end of the day he was ready to strangle her. "You need to tell him."

Cilla locked the front door. "No, I don't."

He followed her around to the stairs leading up to her apartment. "If you love him you need to tell him."

She whirled around, "No Sid, I don't need to tell him. I do love him and that's why I won't tell him. I won't let him watch me die!"

Sid pushed her to sit on the steps. "You're not going to die. Don't even talk like that. You can't die. What would I do without you? And who would make my wedding cake?" He didn’t even want to entertain the thought of her dying.

Cilla chuckled for the first time since going to the doctor the day before. Leave it to Sid to lighten her mood. Even if it was only for a moment. "But what if I do Sid? What if I have this horrible disease growing and eating away at my insides? I can't ask him to deal with that. You remember what it was like with my grandmother and my mother. I can't bear the thought of Jon going through that." She sighed, tears slid down her cheeks. "I just can't tell him."

Sid wrapped his arm around her. "I don't think you're giving Jon enough credit. The man is so crazy in love with you Cil. He'd want to know. He'd want to be there for you." He paused, “if you don't tell him I will."

She threw his arm off her shoulder and stood facing him. "You will not! It's not for you to tell Sid. I swear I will make you a pineapple upside down cake for your wedding before disowning you if you breathe even one word of this to him."

He grabbed her flailing hands, "listen to me Cil. He's the best man you could have ever asked for. I'll risk our friendship if I have to. Don't make me do that. I love you and would hate to lose you but he makes you happy. Happier than you have ever been. You'll need that good energy to fight whatever is going on in your body. Don't let it go. Don't let him go."

When she didn’t say anything more Sid kissed her on the cheek and headed for home.

Cilla sat on her steps for a long while after he left. She would never disown Sid. She couldn’t. She’d be pissed at him for a good long while though but … she sighed. Was he right, should she tell Jon?

She dragged herself up the stairs. How do you tell the person you love most in the world that you may very well have a disease that will slowly kill you? Even someone as strong as Jon would surely fall apart. She didn’t want to cause him that kind of pain.

She thought about what Sid had said while she tossed things in her bag. She would need all the positive energy and laughter to help her get through this. Maybe she should tell Jon. Maybe she would.

She sat down on the edge of the bed. The stack of papers from the doctor sat staring at her from the night table. No, she wouldn’t tell him. Not yet. She’d have the laparotomy next week and see where things stood after that. Then maybe she would have the words to tell him.

Looking at her half-packed bag she sighed. She just hoped she could get through the weekend.