The days passed swiftly and Christmas was almost upon them when Cilla had the cab stop in front of an innocuous brick building. The little girl came bounding out the minute she stepped from the cab. “Miss Cilla!”
With a laugh Cilla hugged the girl and looked up to her mother. “You sure you don’t want to come with us?” Cilla had thought long and hard about what to get for Abby and had finally come up with just the right thing. Something she herself had been wanting as well.
Jennie shook her head, “go ahead. She’s been on edge all week waiting for today.” Jennie looked at the girl all but bouncing out of her coat. “Just send me a picture when she has the one she wants?”
Cilla hugged her, “you got it. Is it all right if I take her to dinner after we’re finished?”
“Sure” Jennie smiled. “I can get some wrapping done with her not here.” She took Cilla’s hand before she could step away. “Thank you.”
She squeezed her hand, “it’s my pleasure. I’ve wanted to do this for myself and it seemed like just the right thing for her as well.” She looked over at the girl bouncing on the sidewalk. “I just wish she was a little more excited about it.”
Jennie laughed. ‘Yeah, I had to wrestle her into her coat and drag her out the door.”
Cilla laughed and herded Abby into the cab. “We won’t be too late.”
Jennie watched the cab pull away, sending up a silent prayer of thanks for the friend she had foun din Cilla and all she was doing for Abby.
~
“Are you ready for this?” Abby was bouncing her feet and looking out the window, anxiously waiting for the car to stop.
She nodded her head, “yes. I’m going to have hair again!”
Cilla couldn’t stop the smile. She fingered the knit hat she wore. She had that same thought this morning when she looked at herself in the mirror. “Me too.”
Abby dragged her attention from the window over to Cilla. “Will it be as pretty as your real hair?”
“I hope so.”
Abby grinned, “me too. Maybe mommy won’t cry anymore then.”
“She cries?”
Abby nodded again. “Mostly when she thinks I can’t hear her, and when she’s on the phone with Mr. Richie. They talk a lot.”
Cilla was quiet. She hadn’t seen this coming. Was there something going on between Jennie and Richie? Before she could ask the driver stopped in front of another innocuous apartment building on East 75th Street.
Raffaele Mollica was one of the premier wig makers in Manhattan. And he was a dear friend, had been ever since Cilla had done the pastries and desserts for one of his private parties. When he opened the door she was swept into a warm hug. “Cilla darling, it’s so good to see you.”
“You too Raffaele. How are you?”
He released her and looked her up and down. “I’m fine darling, but what is going on with you?” He then noticed Abby. “And who is this lovely little sprite?”
Cilla pulled off her hat, “as I explained on the phone, I am in need of a little hair help. So is my friend Abby.”
He took their hands and led them further into his studio. He had cleared his afternoon for her. “Come, let’s have a seat and see what I can do for the both of you.”
From her bag Cilla pulled a few snapshots of herself and a couple she had managed to get of Abby. “This is what we used to look like.”
Raffaele studied the photos and then looked up to Cilla. “Do you want yours as long as this?” He pointed to one of the pictures.
Cilla shook her head, “it doesn’t have to be. I’d like the color to be the same though.”
He nodded and turned his attention to Abby. “And how about you, do you want all these curls again?”
Abby looked nervously to Cilla then back at Raffaele. “I guess.”
Cilla took the girl’s hand, “it’s okay sweetie. You just tell Raffaele what you want and let him do the rest. Okay?”
Abby squeeze Cilla’s hand and nodded. “Okay.” She looked back to Raffaele, “Yes, I’d like my curls back please.”
~
Climbing into the cab Abby couldn’t stop swinging her hair around. “Thank you, thank you, thank you Miss Cilla. This is the best Christmas present ever!” She threw her arms around Cilla and hugged her tight.
Cilla hugged her back and buckled her up. “You’re welcome sweetie. I just hope mine looks that good when I get it.” Hers wasn’t going to be ready until at least Christmas Eve. Raffaele had just happened to have a ready made wig that was almost exactly what Abby’s hair had been before chemo. It was just barely a shade lighter, but Abby didn’t care. She had her hair back and that was all that mattered. And in another week Cilla would too.
Abby smiled at her, “I’m sure it will be beautiful too. You’ll come show me, right?”
“Absolutely.” Cilla sat back, “now we are going to go have some dinner and then I need to get you home.”
“Can we have pizza?” It was Abby’s favorite.
“Sure. And I know just the place.” She gave the driver the address and sat back in her seat. “You’re going to love this place. It used to be a church and they turned it into a pizza parlor.”
“Really? Where is it? What’s it called?” Ever inquisitive, the questions just didn’t stop falling from her lips.
“It’s on 44th across from the Shubert Theater. And before you ask, it’s called John’s Pizzeria.”
“Cool. Can we get Hawaiian?”
Cilla looked at the girl. She didn’t know too many people who liked pineapple and ham on a pizza. “You like Hawaiian pizza?”
Abby nodded vigorously. “It’s my favorite!”
She had to chuckle. This little girl was just full of surprises. “Mine to. So I guess that’s what we’ll get.”
The cab stopped in front of the restaurant. Cilla paid the driver and helped Abby from the car. “Come on, let’s get our pizza and then maybe we can run over to the Hershey Store and pick up a treat for dessert.”
Abby took Cilla’s hand, “can we get something for mommy too? She loves chocolate.”
Cilla pulled the door open and ushered the girl inside. “Of course sweetie, of course.”
Chapter 103
Chapter 102
The foyer was a confusion of coats and kisses, hugs and goodbyes as Sid and Mark readied to leave and Richie returned from helping Jennie get a sleepy Abby into a cab. Everyone was headed for home, Cilla included. Jon watched in disbelief as she pulled on her coat and swapped the pretty scarf for a knit hat to cover her head. He pulled her aside, “where are you going?”
“Home.”
He frowned. “You are home.” She had been staying here ever since her surgery; her things were in his closet, his drawers. She had just cooked their first holiday dinner in his kitchen. Why was she leaving?
She shook her head. “No, this is your home. Mine is three blocks away.” She didn’t want to fight with him. “I have some stuff to do first thing tomorrow. It’s just easier if I go back to my apartment tonight.” She hated to lie to him, but if it was distance he wanted, she would give him all the space he could possibly need.
He was sure she was lying to him, but he wouldn’t force her to stay where she didn’t want to be. Wordlessly, he let her go. When the door clicked shut behind her the silence in the hallway nearly swallowed him. Had he pushed her away?
Wandering back to the living room he found Richie sprawled on the couch, the fire crackling warmly in the hearth. With a loud sigh, he dropped dejectedly into his favorite chair.
Richie glanced over at Jon. Something was bothering him. The loud sigh was his way of saying he had something on his mind and wanted to talk. “Who ran over your dog bro?”
Jon looked at him quizzically. “What?”
“You look like you just lost your best friend. What’s up?”
“Cilla left.”
One brown brow quirked up. “Left? Where’d she go?”
“She said she was going home.”
Richie studied his friend. “What did you do?”
Jon sat up, pressing his elbows to his knees. "Why do you always automatically assume it was me who did something?"
Richie snickered. "I know you. It's always you that gets you in trouble with a woman. So, what did you do?"
Jon sighed. Who else could he talk to about this? Without giving him any intimate details, he told Richie what had happened that morning and how he had distanced himself from her that day.
Richie was shaking his head and rolling his eyes at the end of Jon's recitation. "You seriously thought you were doing the right thing by holding yourself back from her? No wonder she left."
Studying the floor, Jon ran his hand through his hair, his frustration and agitation ready to erupt. "What else was I supposed to do? I lost control and hurt her this morning and now I don't trust myself not to do it again."
This was just like Jon; heaping the guilt on himself over something he couldn't control. "She trusts you not to."
Jon's eyes jerked up from the floor to his friend's face. "She shouldn't."
Richie sat up and turned to look at his friend. "Yes, she should. You didn't intentionally hurt her, she even said you didn't. You are being way too hard on yourself as usual and you're doing exactly what I told you not to do."
"What? What are you talking about? What did you tell me not to do?"
"When you came to Philly and told me what was going on with her. What did I tell you?" He didn't wait for Jon to answer. "I told you not to baby her or treat her any different. Apparently that advice went in one ear and out the other."
Jon opened his mouth to say something then shut it again. Fuck. Richie was right, again. He had forgotten. Fuck. “What do I do now?”
Richie tried to hide his smile. It gave him a queer sense of pleasure that his friend was not the perfect guy everyone made him out to be. He had normal troubles, just like him and every other guy out there. He pulled the pillow out from under his head and threw it at Jon. “Go talk to her dumb ass.”
Jon caught the pillow and threw it back. “I can’t leave the kids alone.”
Richie rolled his eyes to the ceiling and tucked the pillow back under his head. “What am I?” He waved Jon off and closed his eyes. “I’ll be here. Go talk to your girl.”
Jon grabbed his coat and slipped out the door before he could change his mind.
~
Stepping from the tub, Cilla wrapped herself in a fluffy towel and slicked on her lotion. The bath had relaxed her body, but her mind was still in an uproar. Pulling on a soft thermal shirt and her favorite flannel pants she sighed. Even with the drawstring pulled tight they bagged at her hips. She really needed to go shopping. Grabbing her laptop, she crawled up on her bed and settled against the pillows.
Glancing up she studied the poster hanging on the wall, her eyes rested on the pretty front man. Was today the beginning of the end of them? Had he finally had enough, was that why he was so aloof today? Or was it just that he couldn’t get past what he thought he did to her that morning?
She just didn’t know.
Pushing the computer way she folded her arms across her knees and rested her head on her arms. They needed to talk. She closed her eyes, trying to figure out how to make him understand that she wasn't any more fragile than she had been a few months ago. How could she get him to treat her the same as always? Did he even want to?
Turning her head she opened her eyes. Jon was standing in the doorway watching her. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
He stepped into the room. "Can we talk?"
She nodded and started to move to get up. He stopped her. “Stay there.” He took off his coat, tossed it over the back of a chair and sat down on the bed next to her. “You left me.”
She nodded again and picked at the imaginary lint on her pajama pants.
He stilled her hand. “Why?”
She raised her eyes to his, finding her uncertainty reflected there. “I wasn’t sure you really wanted me there.”
“Of course I wanted you there.”
She shook her head. “You weren’t acting like it.”
He sighed. Richie was right, he was a dumb ass. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I did and do want you at my place babe. I just couldn’t seem to get past what happened this morning.”
“But I told you-“
He interrupted her. “I know but I didn’t believe you and I didn’t trust myself not to let it happen again.”
She got off the bed and paced in front of him. “So you decided to just keep your distance today. That worked out really well now didn’t it?”
“No, it didn’t.” He watched her pace the floor. “Would you come back over here and sit down please?”
She stopped and turned to look at him. “Why, after I told you I was fine, why didn’t you believe me?”
He shook his head. This had to be the calmest argument he had ever had. Neither was yelling or even raising their voices. “I should have. I’m sorry I didn’t.” He held out his hand to her. He hadn’t touched her all day and right now he needed the contact, even if it was just her hand.
She stared at his outstretched hand. Tentatively she took it and at his gentle tug, she let herself be dragged to stand between his knees. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tangling her fingers in his hair. “You’ve got to stop thinking you know what’s best for me Jonny.”
His head was pressed to her chest, her heartbeat strong and sure in his ear. “I know, but if anything happened to you and it was because of me, I’d never forgive myself.”
Cupping his face in her hands she tilted his head up, “nothing is going to happen to me. You need to stop worrying so much. You’re going to get grayer than you already are.”
With an indignant “hey” and a laugh he pulled her hands away from his face and fell back on the bed, taking her with him. “That wasn’t nice.”
“Maybe not” she chuckled, “but at least you have hair to get gray.”
He started to say something then stopped and changed tactics. Angling his head closer, he grazed her lips with his. “I’m sorry” he told her as his lips touched hers again.
They lay across her bed for a long while, talking quietly, sharing soft kisses, reconnecting. “Are you staying?” she whispered.
“Do you want me to?” He held his breath. He just wanted to hold her, be close to her, but after the way he treated her today he wouldn’t blame her if she told him no.
She nodded, “yes.”
After he texted Richie that he was staying he shed his clothes and crawled into the bed next to her. “You never wear this many clothes to bed babe.”
She wriggled out of the flannel pants, “I was cold earlier and didn’t expect to be sharing my bed tonight.” She dropped the pants on the floor, “better?”
Their legs tangled together and he cradled her against him. “Much. Sweet dreams baby.”
She closed her eyes and, breathing in the scent of him and with the song of his heart beating in her ear she drifted with him into dreams.
Chapter 101
She couldn’t help the smile as she listened to the laughter coming from the other room. Leaving the tray she was arranging, Cilla moved to the doorway. The football game was on the television and Jon was on the floor wrestling with Jake and Romeo. It was good to see him smiling. After what happened that morning she was sure he would be scowling all day; to himself anyway. He was so hard on himself and there was no reason for him to be. But for now at least, he seemed to be enjoying himself. Maybe he had finally put this morning out of his mind.
Moving back to the counter she busied herself with the tray of cheese and crackers. Lost in thought she didn’t hear Jon come up behind her and jumped when he whispered in her ear.
“Got a snack for a hungry boy?”
She dropped her head forward as he pressed a kiss to her nape. "Why, are Jake and Romeo hungry?"
He growled playfully in her ear. "Smart ass." He reached around her and snagged a piece of cheese. "They're growing boys, they're always hungry."
He stepped to the refrigerator, searching for something to drink, careful to keep his hands to himself. He still didn't trust himself. Not after what he did to her that morning. It didn't matter that she said she was fine, that he hadn't really hurt her. He had let himself get too out of control with her when he knew better. That was unacceptable.
He moved around her in the kitchen. It was big enough that he didn't have to be in her way. He helped get the snacks on the table and set out glasses and uncorked the wine. He would help her out any way he could today, he just wouldn't put his hands on her until he could be sure he wouldn't hurt her again.
~
When the knock sounded at the door Cilla let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure how much more of this Jon she could take. He was doing everything in his power to be in the same space as her but to not come near her. It was frustrating her to no end. She could see the determination in him to be careful around her and it was pissing her off. There was no need for him to be doing this but he just couldn't seem to understand that. She hoped whomever was at the door would be distraction enough for him to forget and let go.
It was Mark and Sid. If anyone could provide distraction, it was Sid. He swung Cilla into a hug, "you are getting way too thin girl, you'd better eat today."
She laughed as she found her footing again. "I eat everyday Sid. You know that."
Jon came up behind her, "it's just that two days a week, she can't seem to keep anything in her stomach." He reached out and shook Sid's hand. "How are ya Sid?"
They exchanged pleasantries but the distance between Jon and Cilla didn't go unnoticed by Sid. He and Cilla had been friends long enough that he knew just by looking at her that something was bothering her. He intended to find out what it was. He just needed to get her alone. He took Cilla's arm and dragged her to the doorway. "Are you going to give me a tour?"
She tried to pull her arm away, "it's not my place. Maybe Jon will if you ask him nicely."
Jon waved her off, "go ahead, you know what's what and where everything is. Mark and I are going to get a drink and watch a little football." He ushered Mark toward the kitchen before Cilla could say anything.
Cilla towed Sid toward the dining room. "What's the big idea Sid? What do you want?" She knew he was after something she just wasn't sure what.
"What's up with you and Jon? Did you two have a fight or something?"
She shook her head, "no. Why do you ask?"
"I know something's not right between you two. I could see it when we walked in. What's going on?"
With a sigh she explained what had happened that morning and how Jon had been acting ever since. "He thinks I'm going to break or something. He's treating me so different Sid. I don't know how to get him to see that I'm the same as I was four months ago. Before we knew I had cancer.”
He studied her for a moment. "My guess is that he's scared and worried. Cut him some slack here Cil. This may not be new territory for you, but it is for him. Don't be too hard on him for wanting to be careful."
Taking his hand she urged him toward the door. "I'll think about it. Come on, let's get this tour over with."
Shortly after Sid and Mark arrived, Jennie and Abby came knocking on the door. When Cilla found out that they would be alone for the holiday she insisted that they join Jon and her for dinner. Abby had been so excited Jennie couldn't say no. Cilla had barely made it out of the kitchen when she was accosted by Abby in the hallway.
"Miss Cilla, we made it!"
Laughing, she hugged the precocious child close. "I see that. I'm glad you could be here." Her laughter faded when she realized Abby was wearing a blue sparkly bandana on her head, her beautiful dark curls having succumbed to the chemicals that were supposed to be helping her. "Your scarf is lovely Abby."
She beamed up at Cilla. "Thanks. I like yours too."
Cilla smiled back the child. "Come on with me, there are a couple of kids in the other room I'd like you to meet."
After getting Abby introduced and settled into a game with Jake and Romeo she headed back to the kitchen. Pouring herself and Jennie each a glass of wine she perched on the stool next to Jennie. "When did it happen?"
Jennie smiled sadly into her glass. "Just the other day. It was horrible."
Cilla took a sip of her wine. "For her or for you?"
"Me. She talked the whole time about how she was going to be like you now. I'm scared for her."
Cilla grasped her hand, "I'm afraid for her too, but I want to believe more than anything that she's going to be fine. That we both will be. She's a strong little girl. If anyone can beat this, she can."
Jennie squeezed her hand, "your lips to God's ear Cilla. I don't want to think about losing her. She's all I have."
"Let's not think about that today." Cilla gave Jennie's hand one last squeeze and got up to check the turkey. "Let's talk about how fantastic this bird smells and hope it tastes as good as it looks."
Jennie nodded and found a smile. "It does smell good. Can I help with anything?"
~
The turkey did indeed taste as good as it looked. The picked over carcass on the platter attested to that. The kids cleared the table and the adults sank back in their chairs with a collective groan.
"I'm stuffed" Sid muttered. "Do you have to be such a damn good cook?"
Cilla shrugged. "It's what I do Sid. I hope you saved room for dessert."
Another groan echoed around the room.
Jennie pushed her chair back. "I can't even think about putting another crumb in my mouth."
Cilla stood, "I'll at least put the coffee on while I get the dishes going."
Jennie followed her into the kitchen. "Let me help. It's the least I can do after you fed us that fantastic meal."
They worked in tandem to clean up the aftermath of a Thanksgiving meal. After the last dish was loaded in the dishwasher, after the last container of leftovers had its own spot in the refrigerator, Cilla sat down and heaved out a breath. "I'm exhausted." She had the dark circles under her eyes to prove it. "I forgot how tiring it is to cook a meal for so many."
Jennie patted her arm. "You just sit there and I'll get the desserts out."
"Make sure you get out one extra plate." She indicated to the cupboard. "Richie's coming for dessert."
Jennie's hand faltered on the cabinet pull. "What?"
Cilla nodded, "yeah, he had dinner with his mom and said he'd be here for dessert. He's hoping for cannoli I'm sure."
No sooner were the words out of her mouth when the knock came at the door. "Jon" she called out, "can you get that?"
She heard Jon mutter something then the next thing she knew Richie was standing behind her, hands on her shoulders pressing a kiss to her head. "Happy Thanksgiving Cilla."
She got up and hugged him. "Happy Thanksgiving Richie."
He straightened and that's when he saw the other woman in the kitchen. "And who do we have here?"
"Rich" she took his hand, "I'd like you to meet my friend Jennie." She moved over to Jennie, "and Jennie, I'd like you to meet my friend Richie."
Pulling his hand from Cilla's he took Jennie's. "It's nice to meet you Jennie."
She smiled shyly and shook his hand. "You too Richie."
Just then Abby came running in. "Is it time for dessert yet?" She stopped when she saw Richie. "Who are you?"
Richie looked down at the little girl and was momentarily at a loss. Her face was a miniature of Jennie's but head was wrapped in a scarf like Cilla's. Did she have cancer too? He crouched down to her level and held out his hand, "I'm Richie, Jon and Cilla's friend. It's nice to meet you."
Abby studied him for a minute then smiled hugely at him. "I'm Abby. It's nice to meet you too."
