Chapter 98

She was standing at the stove scrambling the eggs she thought she wanted for her dinner when he found her. After her shower she had dried her hair and, for now, it hung in loose waves down her back. He moved up behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder, “how are you feeling?”

She turned and kissed his temple. “All right I guess.” She turned off the burner and scooped some eggs onto a plate. “You want some of these?”

He released her and opened the drawer with the silverware. “If there’s enough.”

She got out another plate and slid the rest of the eggs onto it along with a slice of toast. Sitting across from him at the counter, Cilla poked at the eggs on her plate. When she felt the warmth of his hand on hers she looked up. “Talk to me Jonny. Tell me about your schedule, your kids. What did you do while I was asleep?” She didn’t want to think about what was going to happen in another hour from now. She just wanted it to be done and over with already.

He took a bite of eggs. He understood. She didn’t want to talk about Sid and his friend with the scissors coming over later. They would have to talk about it eventually, but for now he would play along with her. “I actually talked to the kids today. They want us to come to Jersey this weekend. It’s Halloween you know.”

“That’s right” she sounded surprised. “I nearly forgot Halloween was this weekend. Do you take the kids trick or treating or do you stay back and pass out the goodies?”

He watched as she took a bite of eggs. It was working, she was eating. “Dorothea and I usually trade off. This year it’s my turn to walk with the monsters.”

Cilla chuckled as she got up to get the jam. “Do you dress up to go out with your monsters?”

Smiling, Jon shook his head. “Just a hat and my sunglasses usually.”

She nodded. “So you dress up as a rock star every year then.”

Chuckling, Jon spread jam on his toast. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

Gathering their dishes, Cilla started to load the dishwasher. “You could change it up, wear your cowboy hat or something.”

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. “What about you? Do you dress up for Halloween?”

She turned in his arms to face him. “Sid and I have at least worn some kind of fun hat or something. He has this great pirate hat with a huge plume on it that he’s worn the last couple years.” She started laughing, "I did my hair like Princess Leia one year. That was fun.” She sighed. She wouldn’t be able to do that again for a long time.

Jon lowered his forehead to hers. “It’s okay babe.”

Her eyes met his, “I don’t want to think about it.”

Straightening he took her hand, “come with me.”

“Where are we going?”

“You wanted to know what I did while you were sleeping, right?”

She nodded.

He led her into his office. There on the table was a box with a large teal bow on it. “That’s for you.”

“You went shopping while I was sleeping?” She traced the package with her fingertips.

“Sort of.” He motioned her toward the sofa as he handed her the shirt size box. He held his breath while she slid the box from the wrapping. He had rummaged through some stuff in storage to find some of what was in the box. The rest he had purchased the other day while he had been out and about. He hoped she liked them.

Lifting the lid and parting the tissue Cilla paused. Scarves, he had bought her scarves? She fingered each one and, on closer inspection, realized they were bandanas. For her head. A soft smile tugged at her lips as she looked up at him. Could he be any more thoughtful? “Thank you.”

He sat down next to her and moved the three off the top, “you didn’t get to the best ones yet.”

She looked down and then back up at him, “I can’t believe you kept them for all these years.”

He nodded, “I keep a lot of shit I probably shouldn’t. But in this case, I was glad I had them.”

The two at the bottom of the box had to be 20 years old if they were a day. The black one had skulls scattered all over it and the other was a myriad of gypsy colors. Each, she knew, he had worn while on stage during one tour or another. Picking up the black one she turned it this way and that, studying it. “This gives me an idea.” She turned and smiled wickedly at Jon.

“What?” he asked warily.

“With a black leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses, I can be a bad ass rock star for Halloween.”

As their laughter faded, the doorbell rang.

~

Sitting on a chair in the kitchen Cilla closed her eyes and waited. Could they just get this done already? Did she really need to know hear how good Jon's hair would look if he let Louis cut it? Feeling a hand on her arm she opened her eyes. "What?" Sid was crouched in front of her. He handed her a brown paper bag. "What's this?"

He tried not to smile. "An idea for you for Halloween."

She eyed him warily as she reached into the bag. Her hand came out with a white hat and a gold earring. "Mr. Clean? You want me to be Mr. Clean for Halloween?"

He shrugged, "it was either that or Mr. Freeze. I like Mr. Clean better."

She started laughing, only Sid. "If your friend is done flirting with my boyfriend, I'd like to get this done."

He patted her hand and leaned in close for a minute. "You really sure you want to do this?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I have to Sid. I don't see the point in putting it off any longer."

He kissed her forehead, "okay. I'll let Louis do his thing."

When Louis moved behind her she closed her eyes again and tried to block out the snip of the scissors, the air that caressed her neck. She felt the air move in front of her and strong calloused, fingers grasping hers. She tried to smile and opened her eyes. "I'm okay."

Jon nodded. "I know. I'm just going to hold your hands for a minute if you don't mind."

She gave his fingers a squeeze. "Thanks."

Chapter 97

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed Cilla sat up and ran her hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. She wasn't surprised to see the strands that wrapped around her fingers. Every morning there had been a few more in her hand and a few less on her head. She was just waiting for when it all had to go, and that day was fast approaching. She sighed. Maybe she should just do it now and get it over with. Feeling fingers caressing her lower back, across her tattoo, she turned to look over her shoulder. "Hey."

His voice was a husky morning whisper. "Morning." His fingers continued to trace the faded ink. "It's early." Watery daylight was trying to seep through the blinds. "You don't have to get up yet."

A glance at the clock told her he was right and she let him pull her back into the bed and she curled into the warm curve of his body. Pressing her lips to the hollow of his throat she stroked the soft fur that covered his upper chest. Content beyond explanation she sighed quietly and settled more fully into him. "Jonny?" He had been handling everything that had been thrown at them and now, she had one more thing to add to that ever growing list.

"Hmmm?" He nuzzled into her hair, pressing a kiss to her head. Running his hand down her side he pulled her closer, held her tighter. He could stay like this forever.

“I think it’s time.”

His brow furrowed. “Time? Time for what?” What was she talking about?

Pressing back slightly, she looked up at him, confusion was clear on his face. “I think it’s time to cut my hair.”

His eyes widened slightly then he nodded in understanding. “Today?”

“I’ll have to call Sid and see if his friend can do it, but I’d like to do it later today. After my treatment.”

He picked up a lock of her hair, letting it slide through his fingers, frowning at the strands that stayed woven between his fingers. Was he ready for her to lose her hair? "You get pretty sick after chemo babe. Are you sure you want to have Sid and his friend over today?" Maybe he could get her to hold off one more day.

Shifting, she tangled her legs with his and pressed a kiss to his chest. "We'll be back here by 4:30 and I can nap after I'm done puking myself inside out. I should be good by 7 or so."

With a finger he tipped her head up so he could see her face. “You really want it to be today?”

She shook her head, “I didn’t want it to be ever, but it has to so for me, the sooner the better.” Her gaze shifted from his and then back again. “I’d like to donate it too if I could. Someone should be able to use it since I’m not.”

Pressing a kiss to her forehead he held her tighter. “I think that’s a great idea. I even found a place for you to give your hair to.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “You do?”

He nodded his head. She wasn’t the only one who knew how to use the computer. “You’ve heard of Locks of Love?” At her nod he continued. “Well the majority of the girls that get hairpieces from them have alopecia, not cancer. And they mainly deal with young girls. Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths caters to cancer patients of all ages.”

“That one sounds like the better option for me.” She glanced over his shoulder at the clock and sighed. “We should get up. Maybe if I have time for my breakfast to digest I won’t lose it later.”

~

Cilla walked into the room ahead of Jon, balancing the flat pink box in one hand and her bag in the other. She had spoken with Sid on the way over and he and his hair stylist, Louis, would be visiting her and Jon later that evening. Now she just had to get through the next six hours trying not to think about what she was going to look like later.

“Miss Cilla!”

She looked up to find Abby smiling widely at her.

“Hi Abby.”

“I saved your chair for you.”

Cilla looked and found Abby’s princess book on the seat of the chair next to her. “Thanks.” She looked past Abby to her mother. “Hi Jennie. How are you today?”

The woman pushed her dark hair away from her face and gave a tired smile. “I’m doing all right. How are you?”

They chatted quietly for a minute and Cilla turned back to Abby. “I almost forgot. I brought you a present.”

Abby nearly bounced out of her chair. “What is it, what did you bring me?”

Cilla laughed and handed her the pink box. “I hope you like them.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw the door open and Jon step in the room. He winked at her and watched.

Abby untied the string and read the top of the box. “Hey, that’s your name, isn’t it?” The top of the box was embossed with Cilla ~ Queen of Tarts. “Is that you?”

Cilla nodded her head. “It is. That’s my shop.”

Her small fingers fumbled with the box. “That’s yours? Mommy and I go in there sometimes. You have the best cookies.” She lifted the cover and squealed with delight. “Oh, they’re so pretty!” She picked one up and took it out to look at it. “Hey, she looks like me!” She turned to her mother, “mommy, look; the princesses look like me.” She reached in and pulled out one of the fairies, “the fairies do too!”

As mom and daughter looked over the cookies Jon crossed the room and sat down next to Cilla. “She’s adorable. No wonder you were so taken with her.”

Cilla took his hand. “I just hope she comes through this. I’d hate for anything to happen to her.”

Jon squeezed her fingers and kissed her lightly. He wouldn’t wish this on his worst enemy, but right now, he was just worried about Cilla winning her fight.

“Hey” Abby was looking at Jon. “Who are you and where’s Sid?”

“Abigail” Jennie scolded; “don’t be rude honey.”

“It’s all right.” Cilla leaned in close to Abby and whispered in her ear. “This is my prince charming.”

Jon chuckled and shook his head at being called ‘Prince Charming.’ He held out his hand to the little girl. “Hi Abby, I’m Jon. It’s nice to meet you.”

She looked up at Jon, studying him carefully. His eyes were almost the same color as hers and his hair was blondish, sort of like a prince’s. How bad could he be? She smiled slightly and took his hand. Hers was nearly swallowed in his grasp. “Hi Mr. Jon. It’s nice to meet you too.”

He looked past the girl to the mother. He could see that Cilla was right when she said they looked almost exactly alike. The mother had stamped herself all over the girl’s face. He smiled and her cheeks flushed. “Hi. I’m Jon.”

Jennie nodded her head. She knew full well who he was. Most everyone with a pulse knew who this man was. “Hi. I’m Jennie. It’s nice to meet you.”

Nurse Mary came in just then and Abby excitedly showed her the cookies Cilla had decorated especially for her. “Aren’t they pretty?”

Mary nodded her head and exclaimed over the cookies. As Cilla watched and listened, an idea started to form. While the girls had their cocktails started the idea rolled around in her head and took root. She would need to do some research, contact the American Cancer Society, but she was pretty sure what she had in mind could work.

Chapter 96

Surrounded by bags of icing and dishes of sparkly decorating sugar, Cilla eyed the pile of buttery sugar cookies. She had two dozen princesses and fairies to decorate for Abby and now, with Sid headed for home, the shop closed for the night and her music blaring, she could get them finished without interruption. Picking up the first one she debated before reaching for the first bit of icing.

With the music up she didn’t hear the door open. Jon stood and watched her for a moment, his gut clenching just like it had the first time he had ever seen her. She was here in her kitchen, decorating cookies as if she hadn’t a care in the world, like the last few months hadn’t ever happened. Would their lives ever get back to being this simple again? He moved so his shadow would fall across the table. He didn’t want to scare her.

Cilla was just sprinkling the fairy wings with glittery sugar when a long shadow crept over her work space. With a smile she looked up. “Hi.”

He reached out and stroked a finger down her cheek, wiping away a smear of sugar. “Hi. You’re working awfully late.” He was hoping to take her out to dinner. They hadn’t been able to go out much lately. With his schedule and her not feeling her best, they had been staying in a lot.

“I want to get these done so I can bring them with me tomorrow.” She looked up at him “want to help me?”

He crooked an eyebrow, “you want me to help you decorate cookies?” Was she kidding? He couldn’t remember ever decorating a cookie. Not even at Christmas when he was growing up.


She got up, turned the music down and dragged a stool over. “Come on, surely even the big, bad rock star can sprinkle sugar on a cookie.”

Sitting down next to her he looked over at what she had done so far.

She had given them all dark hair and blue eyes, trying to make them look as much like Abby as she could remember. The dresses on the princesses were each a different color and the icing had a sheen that shimmered in the light and the wings on the fairies sparkled like highly polished gemstones.

“These are amazing” he told her as he reached for one.

She grabbed his hand. “They aren’t for you. No touching.”

“I wasn’t going to eat it. I just wanted a closer look.” Pulling his fingers from hers, he picked one up and studied it. “You made them look like her, didn’t you?” Their conversation from the other night came back to him and he remembered her description of the little girl.

Cilla nodded. “Yeah. I thought she might get a kick out of it.”

He had no doubt the girl would love them. “What do you want me to do?”

She motioned to the sink, “first, you need to wash your hands.”

Obediently he did what he was told. “Now what?” he asked as he sat back down.

She nudged a bowl of the decorating sugar toward him. “When I’m finished with the icing you can sprinkle the sugar on the wings. Think you can handle that?”

He watched quietly as she transformed the plain golden sugar cookie into a lovely little fairy with practiced ease. It was fascinating to him to watch her work. She made it look so easy bringing that little fairy to life with nothing other than a few colors of icing. When her lips pursed in concentration he had to laugh.

She dropped the icing bag and looked up at him. “What’s so funny?”

“I didn’t think anyone made that face but me.”

Her brow wrinkled. “What face?” Had she been making a face?

“This one.” He gave her his best duck face.

She laughed. She had seen that face so many times, but never up close and in person. “I did not!”

Smiling, he shook his head. “Yes you did.”

Still chuckling she shrugged it off. “I did? I must have been concentrating and didn’t realize I was doing it.” She slid the cookie she had finished toward him. “You ready?”

He pinched a bit of sugar between his finger and thumb. “Just sprinkle it on?”

Leaning into him, she laid her hand gently over his, “like this” and she directed his hand and helped him dust the wings of the fairy with the glittering sugar.

When his fingers were empty of sugar he slid his hand down her side and cupped her bottom, pulling her closer as he turned his head. “How’d I do?”

She closed her eyes, his lips were right there; barely grazing her skin and his warm breath raised goose bumps as it ghosted over her. Her tongue snuck out to wet her lower lip. “You’re a natural.”

He pursed his lips, brushing them against her cheek. He was ready to forget the cookies and take her right here on her work table. The days since the fundraiser, when she had last been in the mood, had been for him anyway, long and frustrating. “How many more?”

“Ten.”

He growled quietly. “Let’s get them done.”

She started on the next, not knowing what to do. How could she tell him that while her heart and head wanted nothing more than to say 'screw the cookies and let's go home,' her body just wasn’t cooperating? She felt her need for him in every part of her but one. How could her body betray her like this?

They worked quickly, getting the cookies finished and put into the cooler to set. She cleaned up the mess and got things ready for the morning without a word; she just couldn’t find the right ones.

After she had locked the door Jon cupped her cheek, raising her face to his. The gray eyes he loved so much were troubled and sad. “What is it Sweets?”

Looking up into his earnest blue eyes she just opened her mouth and let the words tumble out. “I want you Jonny, I do, but I’m not … I don’t know if I …” she trailed off, hoping he would understand.

He nodded slightly. Now he understood her abrupt turn around. He had actually been waiting for this. The doctor had told them that there could be trouble in this area for her, but there were ways to deal with it. He had a plan and something that would help her. They just needed to get back to his apartment. With his lips he shushed her. “I’ve got it covered babe. Let’s go home.”

Taking his hand she followed blindly. What could he possibly mean by that? What did he have covered? How was he going to get her body to cooperate when she herself couldn’t? He was persuasive, she would give him that, but persuasiveness only went so far. If her body didn’t respond, what could he possibly do to change that?

They stopped at Lure on the way, picking up some dinner before continuing on to his place. He was constantly touching her; a light stroke of his fingers up her arm, a slight caress across the back of her neck. He wanted to keep her focused on him and nothing else. Detouring to the kitchen he put their dinner on the counter, keeping his fingers laced with his. Back tracking, he led her up the stairs and into his room.

Stopping by the bed he let her hand go long enough to turn on the light. Turning back to her he could see the wariness on her face. One slightly calloused fingertip trailed lightly down the side of her face. "Trust me Sweets” he whispered as he moved behind her. “It's going to be all right." His fingers slid up and loosened the knot of her hair, letting it fall down her back.

She closed her eyes, feeling his hands move over her. Reaching behind her she gripped his hard, denim clad thighs. His touch, his movements were an echo of another time, their first time together. Her head dropped back, resting against his shoulder as his hands skimmed up her sides. When he nudged at the collar of her shirt she turned her head and caught the corner of his mouth with her own.

He kissed her fully, turning her in to his embrace. He worked the buttons of her shirt, dropping it to the floor, groaning into her at the cami she wore underneath. He knew what that meant. Cupping her, cotton and all, he dragged his thumbs lightly back and forth across the distended tips. Sliding the cami up and off, his mouth closed over one pretty pink nipple; circling it with his tongue, sucking it gently between his lips.

Drawing on a patience and control he didn’t know he had, he urged her back, laying her across the bed. Peeling off his shirt, he ignored the growing ache in his jeans, his focus entirely on her. He kept his touch feather light, drawing out her sighs of pleasure and pleas of more. He wanted her totally wrecked, destroyed beyond reason. The only thoughts he wanted in her head were of him. Only him.

She writhed beneath him, his touch was agony and ecstasy at the same time. Her hands moved over him, his chest hot and hard under her palms. When her hands slid lower, he stopped her, lacing his fingers with hers. “Jonny, I want to…” he cut her off.

He couldn’t let her touch him. He would never make it. “Just let me take care of you baby.”

Then his mouth moved over her any thought she had was forgotten.

When he moved over her, when she had him cradled between her thighs, his hand moved between them. What had always been a warm, easy glide for him, wasn’t quite what it used to be. Reaching for the night table, he found the bottle he had stowed there. He coated his fingers with the lubricant and slid them easily inside her, his thumb pressing against the knot of nerves above.

His name was a scream off her lips when the release came. He kept his fingers moving, pushing her up and over once more before pulling his hand away. Poised above her, he waited, watching her face, her eyes clearing. When he was sure she was with him, he pressed forward, sliding home gently, easily. He kept the movements slow, pushing them both toward the rise and when they fell, they fell together, giving each other everything.

When only the echo of their love making remained, still they clung tightly to each other. Where he stopped and she started he couldn’t say; he didn’t care. She was all that mattered and he couldn’t, wouldn’t lose her.