Reaching for the door knob he hesitated. All he wanted to do was fall across the bed and not worry about anything until tomorrow. But he knew once he opened the door that wouldn’t be an option and he hated himself for even thinking it. He loved Cilla and wanted to take care of her. So why was he having such a hard time making himself open the door tonight?
Turning the handle he sighed. He’d had too much time to think while cooling his heels in the damned airport and then again as they’d circled LaGuardia for nearly an hour. God he needed to stop borrowing trouble. He had more than enough on his plate without letting the fear of what if and what might be get to him too.
Shaking off the damning thoughts, he pushed open the door was greeted by the low moans coming from the bathroom. Dropping his bag and jacket he crossed to the ensuite quickly. Poor baby was his first thought.
Cilla reached up and flushed when she heard the click of his boots on the tile. “Hey” she murmured before heaving over the bowl again.
Jon grabbed a washcloth and ran it under cool water. Turning back to her he mopped her forehead and cheeks. She was as pale as the porcelain she was hunched over. “Where’s Sid?” He had asked Sid to stay with her today. Instead of finding the two of them, she was here, alone.
“Don’t be mad at him. I sent him home. I didn’t want him seeing me like this.” She groaned and leaned over the bowl again.
Damn stubborn woman. “Well, it looks like I got here just in time for the show.”
Cilla wiped her mouth. “It’s a repeat performance of last week.”
Jon risked a glance into the bowl, “I don’t know; costumes look different to me.”
Cilla closed her eyes and chuckled. “That was awful.”
He took the washcloth from her and rinsed it out. “Yeah, but it made you laugh.” He handed her the cloth again. “Feeling better?”
She shook her head and heaved into the bowl again, “no, not really.”
Sitting behind her Jon gathered her hair back from her face and braided it down her back. The pills she took everyday were supposed to counteract the side effects, weren’t they? He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if she wasn’t taking anything.
After an eternity of dry heaves, she flushed one last time, wiped her face and curled herself into him. If this was the cure for what ailed her, maybe she’d be better off dead.
Jon wrapped his arm around her and stroked her back. When the cold started to seep through the seat of his jeans he pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Let’s get you into bed baby.”
Scooping her up he started to head to the door then stopped and settled her on the vanity next to the sink. Grabbing her toothbrush he squeezed some toothpaste onto it and handed it to her. “Brush.”
With a limp hand she took the brush from him. “I could have done that myself.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Just brush.” He didn’t want to argue with her. He just wanted to get her comfortable and try to enjoy what was left of the evening.
Once he had her settled in the wide bed he stripped out of his clothes, pulled on his favorite worn sweats and lay down next to her. “Do you think you could eat something? Some soup maybe?” He could more than handle opening a can of soup and a pack of crackers. He wasn’t as inept in the kitchen as he made people think.
Cilla slid closer and laid her head on his shoulder. “Maybe in a little bit. I met someone today Jonny.”
“Really? Who?” He couldn’t imagine who she could have met while she was getting her chemo.
Picking up Jon’s hand she laced their fingers together. “The most amazing little girl. Her name is Abby. She has” Cilla paused, remembering Abby’s matter of fact statement of her cancer, “the kemia.”
Jon looked down at Cilla; in the low light she didn’t look nearly as pale. “The ‘kemia’?”
Cilla looked up, “yeah. She has leukemia and it doesn’t seem to phase her at all; although I’m not really sure she understands exactly what that is.”
“How old is she?”
Cilla rubbed the back of Jon’s hand with her thumb. “Five.” She felt him start at that.
Five? He pictured Romeo. He would soon be five. What would he do if it was his youngest? He didn’t even want to think about it. “Were her parents there with her?”
Cilla nodded. “Just her mom, Jennie. She seemed really nice too.”
They lay together talking quietly. “I’m going to bring Abby some cookies or something on Saturday I think. I have a princess mold I could use and then decorate them with sparkles and stuff.” She looked up at Jon. “What do you think?”
He squeezed her tight. “I bet she’d like that. Is she on the same schedule as you?”
“I think so. She said she’d be back on Saturday so I just assumed.” She looked up into his face again. “She asked me if you were my prince charming.”
Jon chuckled. “What? Prince charming?” He didn’t think of himself as the guy that would charge in on a white horse and save the day or kiss the beautiful princess and wake her up or anything, but one never knew just what went on inside the mysterious mind of a woman. “What did you tell her?”
“I told her of course you were.” Cilla was quiet for a minute. “She wondered why you weren’t there today.”
Jon frowned and all the guilt he had felt earlier came flooding back. “You know I would have been. I wanted to be. The weather just didn’t cooperate today. I’m sorry I wasn’t.”
Tipping her head up Cilla pressed her lips to his, shushing him. “I know and it’s okay. You’re here now and that’s enough Jonny.”
But it wasn’t, not to him. He should have been there earlier today for her. He would be from now on. He mentally ran through his calendar for the upcoming weeks. He’d see to it that all his Wednesdays and Saturdays were free and clear until she was through with her treatments. He was the boss, he could make it happen.
He would make it happen.
Chapter 95
Chapter 94
The sky was gray and thick with clouds. The rain drummed against the window. Cilla could see people scurrying for cover down on the street. The weather matched her mood. She’d rather be anywhere but here, but at least it was warm and dry. She rolled her forehead against the cool pane of glass. She had seriously considered not coming, just skipping it all together but Sid wouldn’t let her and Jon would have been furious. Not that he would have known right away. He was out in Michigan, Minnesota, she shook her head, somewhere that wasn’t here.
She watched the people down on the street. Would it really have mattered that much if she had missed just one treatment? Was the chemo even doing its job? The doctor, if she knew, wasn’t saying. “Just wait until this round is done and then we’ll see.” Cilla shook her head and sighed. She just wanted to know something.
Her fingertip followed a raindrop as it slid down the window. She didn’t want to die but it seemed the women in her family were all fated to depart the earth early. It wasn’t fair. She wasn’t ready yet.
“Hi!”
Cilla started and turned around. She hadn’t heard the door open or anyone come in the room and here she was face to face with the most adorable little girl she had ever seen. She couldn’t be more than five years old this little pixie of a girl. Glossy black curls were held back by a skinny little headband as blue as her eyes. There was a dusting of freckles across the tiny button nose and her pink, cupid bow mouth was wide in a grin that was missing a front tooth.
“Hi there.”
“I’m Abby.” She held out her hand. “I’ve got the ‘kemia” she stated matter of factly.
Oh God, this sweet, precocious little girl had cancer? Suddenly she was ashamed of herself for her little pity party, it had been self indulgent and totally uncalled for. If this child could come in here with a smile and a sunny disposition, the least Cilla could do was return the favor.
“It’s very nice to meet you Abby. I’m Cilla.”
Abby shook her hand and hopped up into one of the chairs. “It’s nice to meet you too Miss Cilla. Do you have the ‘kemia too?”
Cilla sat down in the chair next to Abby’s. “No sweetie. I do-” before she could finish the door opened again and the nurse came in followed by a woman who could only be the child’s mother. The face, coloring, hair were all the same, only the eyes were different. Mom’s eyes were brown, clouded with worry and fear.
“Abby, what are you doing?”
Abby turned her attention to her mother. “Jus’ talkin’ to Miss Cilla. She’s got cancer too. Not the ‘kemia though.”
“You know you’re not supposed to talk to strangers Abby.” She looked over at Cilla. “I’m sorry if she’s bothering you.”
Cilla shook her head. “She’s not. We had just introduced ourselves before you walked in.” She looked over at Abby. “She’s a lovely little girl.”
Mom blushed slightly and situated herself in a chair near her daughter. “Thank you. I’m Jennie by the way. Jennie Grant.”
Cilla studied the young woman. She couldn’t be more than 30 she guessed and there was no ring on that all important finger of her left hand. A single mom trying to be strong and not letting her daughter see how afraid she truly was.
“It’s nice to meet you Jennie. I’m Cilla. Cilla Preston.”
The nurse came over and Cilla rolled up her sleeve. “Be gentle with me Mary.”
Nurse Mary smiled, “aren’t I always?”
Cilla turned her head and before she felt the prick of the needle she felt the warmth of a little hand grasping hers. Raising her eyes from the floor she found Abby’s hand in hers. She winked at the girl, “thanks.”
Abby smiled back, “Shots are no fun. That’s why I gotsa port.”
Cilla nodded, “smart girl.”
Abby didn’t let go of her hand while the nurse tended to her.
“Okay” Mary said. “You girls are all set; I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”
The door didn’t have time to click closed when Sid strolled in. “Sorry Cil. I was talking to Mark.”
Cilla looked up from the book Abby was showing her, princesses and fairies adorned the cover. “That’s okay. Abby’s been keeping me company.”
Abby looked up at the tall dark haired man. “Hi. I’m Abby.”
Sid smiled at the girl. “Hi Abby; I’m Sid.”
Abby looked from Cilla to Sid. “Is he your boyfriend?”
Cilla chuckled. “No sweetie. He’s just my friend.” She looked up at Sid. “My very best friend.”
Sid squeezed her hand and smiled. “We’ve been friends since we were younger than you are.”
Abby’s eyes widened, “wow, that’s a long time, you guys must old. Like 35 or something.”
“Abby!” Jennie looked horrified that those words had come out of her daughter’s mouth.
Sid leaned over and spoke in a stage whisper, “we’re even older than that.” He looked up at Cilla and she nodded. “We’re 42.”
Their laughter rang around the room.
“Miss Cilla?” Abby had more questions.
“What?”
“Do you have a boyfriend?” She was flipping through her princess book again.
“Yes, I do. Do you?”
Abby giggled. “Noooo. I’m not old enough. Besides, boys are gross.” She looked at her book and then back at Cilla, “is he your prince charming?”
Cilla stopped for a minute and brought Jon’s face to the forefront of her mind. The dark blonde hair, incredible blue eyes, the chiseled cheekbones and jaw; prince charming indeed. “Yeah sweetie, you could call him that.”
“My mom doesn’t have one. She should though. She’s pretty as any of these princesses.” Abby pointed to the pictures in her book.
Cilla looked at Abby and then over at Jennie. The woman had her head I her hands, clearly embarrassed by this line of questions from her daughter.
“I’m sure when the time is right Abby, her prince charming will come in and sweep her off her feet.”
She seemed satisfied with that answer and kept on rambling along. “Why isn’t he here with you?”
~
At that moment Jon was asking himself the very same question. His plane had been delayed and it would be a struggle to even get back home before she did. He was glad this was the last rally he’d be doing. He hadn’t even wanted to go on this one, but he had agreed to it before Cilla had gone and changed her schedule on him. If the weather had only cooperated he would have been back in time to be with her this afternoon. At least Sid was with her.
She had intended on going by herself but he had convinced her to at least have Sid come along, just in case. Even with the extra medications she was taking, she still got so sick after her treatments. He would hate for her to have to go through that alone. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He should be there damn it, not here pacing the first class waiting area at some airport in the middle of goddamn nowhere.
He yanked his phone from his pocket as he paced. With a press of a few buttons he had her ring tone in his ear. He rolled his eyes as his own voice played and then he frowned as her sweet voice came over the line telling him to leave a message.
