Chapter 90

Cilla spooned batter into the muffin pans she had found tucked away in a cupboard. She had woken that morning feeling more like herself than she had in the last month.

Scrounging in Jon's kitchen she came up with the ingredients for banana nut muffins and the makings for western omelettes. Hopefully Jo wouldn't mind her taking over the kitchen this morning. She needed to start doing things, normal things. She was tired of being coddled and cared for. It was time to start taking care of herself again.

They had driven out here to the Hamptons last night and Jon had insisted that she sit and not do anything. If she had let him, he probably would have carried her up the stairs and tucked her into bed. It was getting more than a little ridiculous and it was going to stop. Today.

She diced onion, red and green peppers. They were going to enjoy the next two weeks. She wasn't going to think about her upcoming chemo treatments. They weren't going to talk about doctors or hospitals. She wasn't going to let Jon keep her from doing things either. She would take it easy, but she wasn't going to sit back and watch her life pass her by.

Starting with breakfast this morning.

Getting out a bowl she cracked eggs. The kids were coming in a few days and she didn't want them to see her as someone who was sick and should be avoided. She loved their father and she wanted them to see her as she had been the last time she was here. She might not be able to play baseball this time but she wasn't going to sit and do nothing either.

She got out a skillet, added a little butter and set it to heat. She needed to talk to Jon about this, make him understand that she needed to get back to doing things for herself. He was so determined to take care of her that he wasn't seeing that she was better. She would have to find a way to convince him that she was capable of doing for herself. She smiled, thinking about the other day. Maybe a little more messing around would make him see that she was doing just fine.

Searching, she found a tray in the pantry. She loaded it with coffee, juice, an omelette large enough to feed them both and a couple of muffins. Turning, she nearly dropped the tray on the floor. Jon was standing there in the doorway watching her.

"What do you think you're doing?"

She set the tray back on the counter. "I made breakfast and was going to bring it upstairs." She rose up on her toes, pressing a kiss to his stubble covered cheek. "I thought you were still asleep. I was going to surprise you."

She'd surprised him all right. He knew when he woke up with the bed next to him empty and the scent of coffee and bananas in the air that she was up to something. "You know you're supposed to be-" he stopped and watched her. She set up their breakfast on the table. She was moving better, easier than she had been. "You're feeling better."

Cilla nodded, "I am." She waved him to a chair, "you can stop worrying about me."

He picked up his coffee, "never."

She slid her hand up the smooth expanse of his back and pressed a kissed between his shoulders before sitting down next to him. "I'm fine, really." Picking up her fork she held out a bite of eggs to him, "eat."

He should have been the one saying that to her. He opened his mouth, taking the fluffy eggs from her fork. "You should have woken me up, I would have made breakfast."

She couldn't hold back the laugh. "You burn toast baby. But really, it's fine." She laid her hand on his arm, "I'm fine. She looked at him, her gray eyes serious, "I want you to stop treating me like I'm made of glass."

He swiveled his stool, turning to look at her, "I know you're not made of glass Cil. But you need to-"

She pressed a finger to his lips. "I need to start doing again. I want you to promise me something."

He raised a brow speculatively and kissed her finger. "What is it? I don't make promises until I know what I'm getting myself into."

Slipping off her stool she stood in front of him, between his knees. "For the next two weeks we're not going to talk about I have been or what I will be going through. We're not going to speak of hospitals or doctors either."

She trailed her fingers up his thighs, "we're going to enjoy the two weeks out here at the beach. I want to laugh with you Jonny, take walks on the beach with you, play games with you, with your kids." Her fingers walked up higher, stroking him lightly. "I want to love you." She looked up into his face, his eyes. "Can you do all that for me?"

He studied her for a long moment before saying anything. He wasn't sure he could do what she was asking. His innate need to protect and take care of her went to war with the fact that he knew she was healing and that he needed to step back some now. "That's a lot for me to promise."

She walked her fingers up his chest, curling them into his hair. "I know, but I need you to do this for me."

He wrapped his arms around her, lacing his fingers together at the small of her back. "Can you promise me you won't try to do too much too soon? That you'll take things slow for a bit longer?"

Her arms wound around his shoulders, "no fair answering a question with a question. But yes" she answered, "I can and will pace myself. Now, what about you?"

He slid off the stool and scooped her up all in one fluid movement. Taking her out onto the back porch he sat on the chaise, holding her on his lap in the bright morning sun. He wanted nothing more than to promise her everything, wanted to make love with her out here in the warm summer air like he wanted to take his next breath, but what if he hurt her? He would never forgive himself.

"I'll do my best to forget about what's coming up fourteen days from now and enjoy our time together, that's the best I’ve got right now."

She rearranged herself on his lap so she was straddling him. "I guess that will have to do." She pressed her mouth to his, kissing him with an intensity that surprised them both. "Make love with me Jonny, right here on our chaise?"

He slid his hands up under her thin, cotton tank, groaning quietly as he cupped her breasts. "I don't want to hurt you baby."

She cupped his face in her hands, "you won't."

Her complete and utter trust in him staggered him and he couldn’t find the words to deny her. Wordlessly, he pushed her tank top up; leaving her arms tangled in it as his mouth took and tasted one creamy mound. It had been so long since he had had a taste of her he almost forgot himself when she shuddered against him. “Shhh” he murmured as he traced a circle around her distended nipple “easy baby.”

She shook her head, easy for him to say ‘easy’ he wasn’t the one ready to explode. Her thighs were quivering and her blood was pounding through her veins as she felt his fingers inching up inside her shorts. She needed him. Right now. Rising up on her knees she pushed at her shorts, working them off of one leg. She reached for his.

Raising his hips he lowered his enough and she straddled him again, taking him inside her one glorious inch at a time. “Oh God Jonny, I’ve missed you, I've missed us.” She rolled her hips slowly.

Fighting for control his hands latched onto her hips. He was determined to let her set the pace. “I’ve missed you too.” He looked up her eyes were foggy and her face was a mask of pleasure. God he loved her.

She rolled her hips again and, with the August sunshine spilling over them, she rocked them both to soul-shattering finish.